heart health

I found myself falling in love with Dr. Hera again!!

After taking Health Psychology with her last semester and now I am taking Psychology of Eating with her! I am glad to have the opportunity to learn from her again.

I just love the subjects, the combination of the course structure, assignments and most importantly the lecturer. When she was giving her lecture today, I feel so emotional attach to every detail she said and my eyes shine with hope! It's like i can see my future, i know what's getting me so passionate - the healthy life.

I want to know more about the healthy life, what the advice or recommendation available, explore the reasons why keep people away from staying a healthy lifestyle and implement the strategies for a healthy lifestyle.

And one of the assignment is Food Diary, it's some sort of diary that recording down everything that we have eaten throughout the day, calculating the calories of it, and reporting our feeling when consuming the food.

Although it needed high discipline and commitment to record it all the times (and our family and friends might just think we are going insane keep writing everytime we eat); but it sound interesting! i can't wait to start the assignment and i'd love to see how my eating pattern is.

If you feel excited for me too, don't worry, i will post up the result after this sem and share with you my thoughts of it. If you feel like trying that too i can teach you how to do and we do it together, k? :D

I cannot live my life FOR you; and i can barely live my life WITH you

Again, i would like to apologize if i am saying this either too late or too early.
As what i've mentioned in my Facebook profile. I am single but not available. I said it, and I meant it. I would like to explain in details over here as for your concerns.

I'd hope this message is not too late to get to you, as I do not wish to see anyone hurting so much after everything has taken place.

It's not my style letting someone waiting for me for a relationship that i think is impossible. I won't keep as many admires with me by giving them vague answers and letting them wasting their time waiting for nothing. It's simply not fair for the guy.

I never involve in any love relationship before and i am not planning to do it just yet.

Quite a lot of my friends were desperately seeking for THE ONE and even set "expiry date" for themselves (like bread); and every time they ask me: "How about you?" I will replied them: "I'd love to chase for my dream, first".

Yes, I am so selfish being a dream chaser.
I have a list of things to do in my life, by my OWN, for my OWN good.
I do not have commitment and i see it as unnecessary.

"And why do you come and 'flirt' with me at the first place?" You might have wondered.
I am sorry if i am sending any misleading message.
Simple explanations:
1. I am a normal human and i need companions.
2. I am a normal female and i do interested in male.
3. If i am seeing you as a worthy person to friend with; or if i am interested in some parts of your attitude or behavior. I won't be stingy to express it; and I do not even mind to take my initiative to talk to you.
4. I am a girl, still. I can be that imperfect sometimes or most of the time. I might need someone to protect me when i am vulnerable; i might need someone to talk to me when i am stress or depress. I just need somebody.

I am delighted by the way you appreciate me; I am appreciating the way you spend your time to answer all those rubbish questions that i've thrown to you; and I am so glad that you being so honest to me.

I am not sure whether i am the one you're looking for; what i am sure is that i am not the one you're waiting for.

Again, i deeply apologize for any. But i would love to maintain the friendship with you, as i know you have the good qualities that i am looking for.

Chap 1: Alert! Problem detected

I want to enjoy Farmhouse Omega Low Fat Milk every morning; not simply taking Dutch Lady Full Cream milk as my breakfast.

I want my self made yogurt fruit salad made of seedless grapes, baby tomatoes, chopped apples and banana mix with yogurt; not take away fruit salad from Pizza Hut salad bar.

I want seedless purple grapes from Cold Storage; not rotten low quality green grapes from Giant.

When i am pretty, i hope handsome hot guy appreciating my beauty; instead of bumping into foreign workers who keep staring and trying to take advantage!

I upset easily when i realized my perfect plan with perfect calculation and estimation was simply ruined by some stupid foolish person.

Yesterday my mum remind me about my misbehavior, and she said: "Aren't psychology students suppose to posses higher EQ?" " But how come you can be so emotional when things not working that way?" "Don't you know you look horrible when you're moody and it will scare your friends away from you!"

And a friend of mine told me that: "Perfect is boring".

My whole life is about striving for perfection. And i set my life goal as *Always finds REASONS for others but never allow any EXCUSE for myself*.

Seem like i got it totally wrong :(

Today, I found this book in the library.

HOW TO STOP CHASING PERFECTION AND START LIVING A RICHER, HAPPIER LIFE.

I think God is trying to make me understand what's making me suffer, why do i always do without realizing, and how can i get rid of it. Yes, I got a lot more to learn

Chapter 1: Accepting failure

Chapter 2: Accepting emotion

Chapter 4: Accepting reality

Until today only i realized the perfection that i always looking for - is a MISTAKE that i should get rid of.

Maybe perfect is nothing, maybe it's just boring. I don't know.

What i know is my urge to read this book, exploring my own problem and learn to start an optimal life.

Sport: Basketball Match in Port Dickson

On 27th December I suddenly get a phone calls from friends inviting my friend and I to help out with statistic for international high school basketball tournament in Port Dickson. I was shock and unprepared for that and i got a bloody scold from my mum before i depart.

"What can basketball contribute to your future? she throw me a realistic question frustratingly.

Suddenly that thought provoked to me. "So what's can basketball offer to me?" I can't seem to answer her question and this question has actually bothered me for the next coming days.

After the match has been over. Now i seem to figure out why i love watching basketball match so much, without me being conscious for any valid reason.

1st, actually i love to see guys hanging around with each other. The way they deal with their friends can be just so easy with simply pure fun. I am lack of guy friends and i always has the natural tendency to stick with girl friends more (well, can say most of them are quite sensitive at times and a lot of technique been playing around as to get what they wanted; i might be one of the described; but somehow i guess i am just too tired to deal with these).

I feel so relax and found out that i am emotional involved with every single point gain from my favorite basketball player as well as their team. It was just so nice to shout and cheer for their glory moment. Sometimes i get to meet with some favorite players too and i guess it's rare opportunities ever in my life.

These few days, i am glad that i have the opportunity to watch nice match with few hot guys available. Somehow, i enjoy 'interacting' with them *blush*

• YUK CHAI team from Petaling Jaya

Player no. 8 - Choong Yu Bin

My 1st impression with him was when his 1st match with Woodgrove team. When the opponent team fault him, the cute impression he gave hinting the referee was just so cute! and yes, it attracted me =)

And when we're having buffet in hotel ballroom. I am not sure whether it's him intentionally or accidentally sitting right opposite me, hence, it creates more opportunity for us to interact with each other.

Plus, whenever he is in match, my eyes sight was like 90% starring at him; and his frequent look at me has been caught by me; then we both faster look away shyly. Guess what? I count and report the numbers of time our eyes intercept. Poor my friend, i guess she is annoyed by listening all these rubbish from me. haha

For me, Yu Bin is such a quiet and shy guy. I am kind of like him and i guess (at least i wish) he feel the same too. Although it's such a waste since we have not asking for any further contacts from each other; but i wish him all the best in his future ^.^

• Woodgrove team from Singapore

Player no. 4 - Wong Ye Xu

The 1st time i started to spot him was when i am passing a paper to him. I talked to him for awhile with English and realized he has nice voice with sexy body. The consequent match i am starring at him most of the time. He is kind of fast, furious and impulsive player; but his body size is just perfect especially when his sweat is sticking on his tanned looking skin. My goodness!

Player no. 7 - Pek Jia Rong

Jia Rong is same team with Ye Xu; and he is just right beside Ye Xu when i talking to him. Although i didn't really talk to him but i think i can recognize his physical appearance. Well, i can say he is quite a good leader in the team and he is very clam in leading the team especially in very critical moment. He shout most of the time ordering players in the court; but for me his voice sucks lol. And his body is not as attractive as Ye Xu; but his attitude kind of impressed me.

I know i am being very gatal and nonprofessional for playing dubious with the players. But i guess my heart can just be simply delighted by these. Since there is no harm doing this except the people beside me feel like fainting. But i guess i will still continue if any chance. It's just the way how i enjoy the match and how i please myself =)

So yea, no regrets for this trip and i know how to answer my mum next time when she question me "what can basketball offer".

Basketball gave me a lot of growing experiences and sweet memories. As long as i have the opportunity, i will go for it. There is no logical answer explaining my motivation but simply to please myself.

Life isn't fair

Somehow, or can say it most of the time, I tend to upset with myself and frustratingly question my own capability. I am so so hardworking compare to some others but they still can win me easily. I wonder.
Sometimes, i can hear hear the bottom of my heart whispering to me.


It said, yes, my friends are indeedly better English Proficiency than me. And that's would be a good reason explaining why i tried so hard but the best i can do was to be at the same levels with them despite winning them.


However, I should always remember that they are born English educated; and i'm not. And if comparing my current standards with the previous me, I've improved A LOT in these 2 university years. I was totally Chinese Educated and until my current literacy and writing skills, i consider not bad compare to others that were born the same as mine.


I believe everyone's life has somehow been destined. We are all good at certain things and that's what we called it TALENT.


My life is good but my bad habit is to always picking those unachievable "target" to compete with myself. I know i can never win them; but good thing is they actually motivate me to push myself above my own limit.


Here's one insight i recently get from watching one the talent shows -
One Million Star.


Other than enjoy being inspired by all sorts of good songs and learning some singing skills. I realized that i actually enjoy watching them 'growing & glowing'. This talent show is a learning process, the candidates are all surviving themselves on the stage and striving their very best to perform what they got.


But somehow when we can clearly sense how hard one work for their performance and yet their marks are still below some others high record performers that ldidn't ook much prepared. Here we started to question, how the judge actually evaluate? Do they bias on some "good candidates"? Or that's just limited things the "bad candidates" can give?


One dangerous thing is the schema is not well structured and not clearly showed. No one knows where the standard is and what would please the judges. Yes, judges are looking for surprise but what is it actually? And how good is good? How much is consider as perfect and not over?
Some concrete example please?


I had a friend saying: Life is like a movie. You are the one writing script of your life; while others are the one watching the show from you.


I interpret the message in this way:
first, there is no one but us, ourselves are the one that can fully control our life.


second, if we're scripting a movie that people want to watch then there is high probability that we can get favorable or being popular. But from what Oscars and Grammy Awards showed, there are still lots of deviate cases a success.

If we care so much on others' expectation or favor-ism in writing our life script, then we might find our mood fluctuates in accordance with others. That's how sometimesi felt so stupid fooling by others again and again.


third, people are just watching the 'result'. they do not care how much efforts you have putted in. In a way showing that is all superficial. So if we care about showing the superficial things then we will never get a chance to explore deeply on ourselves, seeking the happiness from the bottom of our heart and knowing what we really want in our life.


So yea, always remember what we want in life to prevent us deviate from the right path.
A little stressed is dessert; a little push is motivation. Take it as a good thing then it will helps us in achieving our life goal.

I gave you my heart

The suicide case of counting down in Facebook has successfully gain attention from all. Everyone is commenting, discussing and even starting all sorts of prevention trying to stop the next unwanted case to happen again.

First I wonder how it's affect Facebook? Make it more popular or other way round defaming it?

But one thing i can sure is, Facebook would be definitely more 'happening' as compare to before.

According to the responses, most of my friends scolding him for being immature for ending his precious life; blaming him for being stupid to sacrifice his life for a love that has gone; and some even ask him to rest in peace, claiming that everyone needs a God and what he lack in life is a God to guide him.

For me, suicide is not an action that would be blame on. Everyone has their rights to choose how to live and even ending their life. Worth it or not, is how they measure it themselves, not the thing u can simply evaluate and tell them what to do.

Still remembered the victim said: "Love is what i cannot afford to play".

So what love is?

Love and be loved is always easy to say but somehow hard to do.

How much love do we need? and how much is enough for others?

No one knows.

The hardest decision is always about weighting the give and the take.

I love you that much why can't you love me even once?

I gave you that much how can you never even look at me?

These questions always lead to doubt and insecure; and if it's not resolved. Things will just getting worse.

Anything can happen to a fragile heart; and how fast a broken heart can be fixed is totally depend on one's resiliency.

One should not take love as granted;

Love is not about getting without giving; because someday you might find them exhausting.

Love shouldn't be blind.

Love is not about giving to the only one and forgetting to get it back, remember your empty heart needs to be filled, too.

Love is everywhere from everyone. It's all about how you sense it from others and how can you contribute to make this world a little more lovable.

When you find yourselves suffocating, get a place with fresher air. Take in deep breath then plan your next step in life.

Nothing as impossible yet life is always hard for everyone.

Together we can make a difference.

If justice cannot punish you; i will let the karma do

WHAT THE HECK! I JUST GAVE RM1500 FOR A BITCH TO SPEND!!

It was my ever 1st time got cheated in a lame way, the lamest reason from the stupidest dumb!

"That's just too bad" The only valid reason she could give after spending my RM1500 for granted! And her arrogant face still vividly flashing in mind from time to time. If i could give her a slap, i will take anything to do it. seriously..

Ho Swee Kim! You're a law student yet you do not apply any single law into the real life!

Only now i know why you need to repeat your 1st year of degree again, because YOU HAVE NO LOGIC!

I couldn't get myself over from my mistakes and i am so so so depressed on it. I am so so so so frustrated with her and i was so so so upset with myself of being so stupid to be fooled by the stupidest girl in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was an unexpected accident and whatever i can blame is of my bad luck, that's what everyone beside me has said.

"You can't do anything, it's a lesson for a good people like you". My friend said that to me. This has challenge my life motto. I thought it would be alright if i treat people with good intention; at least they will treat me as how i treated them. Now that it was proven wrong, and it's time for me to reflect and re-set my life motto; at least to eliminate this one.

"Why don't you try doing something instead of blaming yourselves?" I bet you will ask me with this question.

I have done whatever i can. I visited a counseling session and i have spent few months of my life asking for professional advices.

I have got all the procedure prepared and support from my lawyer-to-be friend (thank you Vincent for helping). "Wow, it was so complicated but I am sure you can get back your money." He assured me after he investigating on my case.

But after struggling for some times i decided not to lodge a report and sue her in a court.

First, is mainly because of my parents. They were so frustrated at first but then they asked me to let go. For them 1500 is nothing if comparing to my happiness and if it affect my studies then it will be not worth even i've asked back the money.

Second, I attended counseling for that (kindly noted that i am not suffering from any psychological disturbance for that; just that i am using my advantage being a psychology student to attend counseling for free). I shared my problems with the counselor and he asked me few questions in order to help me explore more deeply on the issue.

HIM: "So what you hope to get if you've ask back your money?"

ME: " I am not struggling with the money; just that i need justice, to prove that there is no wrong for good people".

HIM: "So what will you feel after striving for justice?"

ME: "At least I won't feel bad of what i have done, i still want to believe in myself."

HIM: " So even after you get the justice; aside feeling relief then what will you feel?"

ME: "... ..." (couldn't answer)

HIM: "Okay, let's change it this way, so what you feel when you face with this problem until you need to send her to court?"

ME: "That's my rights and she cheated my money in an illegal way!"

HIM: "So how you feel?"

ME: "I feel frustrated and upset"

HIM: "How about telling me about what you have felt on your own?"

ME: "... ..." (couldn't answer again)

He hang there waited for me to answer..

"I felt stupid..." Finally I said it with tears rolling in my eyes.

HIM:"Okay, let's talk about your family, so you have 5 siblings including you." "Do you mind to share some of you childhood memories?"

I was like what the heck? You dig the problems so deep until i even not aware of it then you leave me hang there with more problems.

Now i have gotten another stupid lesson because of the stupid thing.

"It's enough" I think God try to send me this message that is why i chose to let it go.

If justice cannot punish you; i will let the Karma do.

to be better

PART I:
*written on 3th November 2010*

Promised myself to leave perfection for one good reason - to be better

I spent a year and a half living in places like this 

for me it's not only a PLACE; but a PALACE

I fell in love with it at the first sight,

for the first time I saw it, I have already decided to live my life here

but seeing is actually deceiving; dreaming is only believing

sometimes, perfection is nothing better than just dreaming it

under some unavoidable circumstances,

finally I made my decision to leave

it took up a lot of excuses to convince myself,

that I can find a better life out there

I finally leave, with much pains and unwillingness 

__________________________________________________________________

PART II:

*updated on 1st September 2011*

My life was simpler and happier out there. 

Now that I've know my decision to leave was a right move.

As compare to a heaven without angels; 

I rather stay with angel anywhere outside the heaven

I found my angel

thanks for bringing lucks and much laughter to my life

Cheers! for life

Promised myself to leave perfection for one good reason- to be better

我失恋了

一年多的感情。。一见钟情的好感。。

你曾经曾经地让我为你如此地着迷；让我受尽了委屈都无论如何想留在你怀抱里的执着。。

然而这华丽的圈套我呆不下去了；为了我的前途我选择放弃了那完美的你。。

也许是我太年轻了；太依赖你了

在你怀抱里我经常失去理智；是时候放开你去追寻我要的未来。

你依然是我所向往的那个他；你依然是我人生的目标

我不怕失去你，因为我对你有满分的信心。

谢谢你给过的美好，我拥有过，也珍惜过

我在努力着；相信很快的一天，我会回到你怀抱

Health Psychology

Health Psychology is one of the elective subjects lecturing by my favorite lecturer, Dr. Hera Lukman

Before I start on any, let me briefly introduce you Dr. Hera Lukman as you might read quite a few of my posts talking about her

Dr. Hera Lukman is a health psychologist with research interests in the ares of eating disorders and health communication. She is also a registered Chartered Psychologist with the British Psychological Society 

[information taken from http://www.help.edu.my/uprofile/103]

Additional notes: Dr. Hera discussing about body image and sex, want to know what she'd said? click on the link below *wink*

http://lifestyle.malaysia.msn.com/Relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=4112013

Dr. Hera Lukman is also a lecturer in HELP University College from Psychology department.

I took few psychology related subjects lectured by her:

Introduction to Psychology, Biological Psychology, Health Psychology and Psychology of Eating

Her lecture is inspiring, which always made my eyes shine with hopes in every of her class

Now, Let's me share with you what I've learned :)

Do you know?

How much servings of fruits and vegetables are actually enough?

How often should one exercise per week and how long per session?

Fruits and Vegetables

Fruits and Vegetables should be taken at least 5 servings per day, best with mixture of 5 different colors such as red (apples, cherries), yellow (banana, orange) purple (grapes, blueberries), green (leafy vegetables) and white (garlic, mushrooms). However, we are advisable to go more than 5 servings per day, just not to take extreme on one type of color of fruit or vegetable.

So how much is consider as one serve?

From what have showed above, 1 serving simply means 1 medium size OR to be more accurate, 1 cup of chopped fruits or vegetables approximately about 100g.

Exercise

You might always wonder. We have actually done a lot of exercise indirectly in our daily routine.

For example we walk everyday from car to office; walk up stairs; lifting heavy documents or carrying heavy bags around;

giving our car a bubble wash once a week; helping mummy to do some house chores

So is that consider as exercise, no?

Actually, those are consider as labor; not exercising

if it's consider as 'exercise' also it can barely replace the real workout

Physical exercise is not only a bodily activity; but to enhance and maintains our physical fitness and wellness. 

It's can be flexibility training; aerobic and anaerobic exercise

so stop thinking life is such easy! 

indoor or outdoor - get yourselves out of the house and start sweating :D