Life isn't fair

Somehow, or can say it most of the time, I tend to upset with myself and frustratingly question my own capability. I am so so hardworking compare to some others but they still can win me easily. I wonder.
Sometimes, i can hear hear the bottom of my heart whispering to me.


It said, yes, my friends are indeedly better English Proficiency than me. And that's would be a good reason explaining why i tried so hard but the best i can do was to be at the same levels with them despite winning them.


However, I should always remember that they are born English educated; and i'm not. And if comparing my current standards with the previous me, I've improved A LOT in these 2 university years. I was totally Chinese Educated and until my current literacy and writing skills, i consider not bad compare to others that were born the same as mine.


I believe everyone's life has somehow been destined. We are all good at certain things and that's what we called it TALENT.


My life is good but my bad habit is to always picking those unachievable "target" to compete with myself. I know i can never win them; but good thing is they actually motivate me to push myself above my own limit.


Here's one insight i recently get from watching one the talent shows -
One Million Star.


Other than enjoy being inspired by all sorts of good songs and learning some singing skills. I realized that i actually enjoy watching them 'growing & glowing'. This talent show is a learning process, the candidates are all surviving themselves on the stage and striving their very best to perform what they got.


But somehow when we can clearly sense how hard one work for their performance and yet their marks are still below some others high record performers that ldidn't ook much prepared. Here we started to question, how the judge actually evaluate? Do they bias on some "good candidates"? Or that's just limited things the "bad candidates" can give?


One dangerous thing is the schema is not well structured and not clearly showed. No one knows where the standard is and what would please the judges. Yes, judges are looking for surprise but what is it actually? And how good is good? How much is consider as perfect and not over?
Some concrete example please?


I had a friend saying: Life is like a movie. You are the one writing script of your life; while others are the one watching the show from you.


I interpret the message in this way:
first, there is no one but us, ourselves are the one that can fully control our life.


second, if we're scripting a movie that people want to watch then there is high probability that we can get favorable or being popular. But from what Oscars and Grammy Awards showed, there are still lots of deviate cases a success.

If we care so much on others' expectation or favor-ism in writing our life script, then we might find our mood fluctuates in accordance with others. That's how sometimesi felt so stupid fooling by others again and again.


third, people are just watching the 'result'. they do not care how much efforts you have putted in. In a way showing that is all superficial. So if we care about showing the superficial things then we will never get a chance to explore deeply on ourselves, seeking the happiness from the bottom of our heart and knowing what we really want in our life.


So yea, always remember what we want in life to prevent us deviate from the right path.
A little stressed is dessert; a little push is motivation. Take it as a good thing then it will helps us in achieving our life goal.