As usual, my friend and I were sharing our future plan and chit chat about life during lunch session." I am sad leaving my husband to go New Zealand alone but i guess it would be good for all parties". "So yea, be happy with the sadness". She said.
"Did you just say to be happy with sadness? How can it possibly be??" I asked confusingly, for the sudden phrase that popped out from her mouth.
This phrase keeps playing in my mind and a lot of things were flashing through.
Firstly, I think of a friend of mine.
Remembered when I was young, I requested a best friend from God.
"I need a twins that can share everything with me; unfortunately i have none; but i beg you God please give me at least one best friend that I can share my joy and sadness all the time." God seem to hear my prays and gave me one; but i ruined it. Now that I have realized and I promise myself to get it back and appreciate what God had give.
Secondly, I recall back my University life. I keep saying that I am surviving a life rather than living a life. I have extreme low self esteem and my mood fluctuate with everything that people have said. I blame myself; I am afraid looking back to my past, and I am worried for my future.
Now God had send a girl into my life, to remind me how to be grateful of what i am having.
She is blur to the extreme, yet I felt that she is kind of cute. She can be that quiet when I need to concentrate in my study; and she can be that annoying when I am lonely :)
She came oversea to study in KL, and living a life over here doesn't seem easy for her.
1. She didn't get along with any course mates, hence she is having difficulty to get important updates for lecture.
As compare to me, I am glad that I get to meet some friends and those friends stay with me throughout the whole 3 years. Thanks to God, although we having totally different personality but we get along harmoniously. Most importantly, we do and achieve things together.
2. I am not sure whether she care but she went out shopping with friends while she knew that she got important tutorial to sign up and assignment due.
I used to be that blur like her and i am not so aware about the important things. Thanks to my friends, they are the one reminding me all the times. They did help me a lot especially when I need to compete for limited tutorial slots and register for certain subjects that capped. I am glad that they were so helpful to me and now i have learn to be a consciousness person.
3. She is now taking extra English course.
This remind me of my first year. Being the one that came without English background, I used to be so worried that I might need to take extra English course. Thanks to God that I am not request by University authority to take the course. And thanks a lot to my friends for correcting my grammar mistakes.
4. She seem slack.
Competing with students that got 12 A for SPM is stressful. My parents just hoping me to pass Degree but I pressure myself a lot to get my Degree with flying colors.
I am glad to be almost the same level with them and somehow getting better grade than them. But I did not feel contend. I felt that I could be better if I have stronger English proficiency; and I am down whenever they said: "see, she even do better than me".
Well, if i am comparing my current level with the previous me, I did improve a lot.
I can speak fluent English, and I am brave enough to ask and try from error. I prepare 120% for the 80%, so that I won't regret or blaming myself for low performance.
5. She is indecisive for her future and she has no thought on what she really into.
I knew that I was a headache and heartache for my mum when I was going against her will. I was so stubborn with my choice and I did not compromise on it. I been through a lot of hard time just to be responsible on the choice that I had made; but luckily it was a right decision and I am in the path pursuing what I want in life.
I grow mature now.
I know how to differentiate what is good for me as well as for others;
I know how to control my feeling, I know how to discipline myself;
i know what the life that i am looking for; i can see my future, i know that i have choice
If we're afraid means we got something to lose; if we're sad means we still enjoy happiness.
I need to learn being happy in the sadness because it means that I got more to go.
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