Career Pathway 3: Reality

In a world filled with sweet scents and blue sky,

Lives the gentle, uplifting butterfly,

Whose metamorphosis has this truth to teach:

Our aspirations are within our reach.

For this fluttering flyer of soaring worth

Was at one time a creature that crawled the earth

When she climbed a plant and learned of the sky,

She looked down at the earth and wondered why

Her destiny was to live on the land.

Something inside her did not understand.

“The sky is my home”, every part of her felt

“How could crawling be the lot I’ve been dealt?”

Keeping those thoughts safe, where they could be found,

She slowly descended back to the ground.

When she found the right plant on which to rest,

She brilliantly wove a cacoon for her nest.

Inside the chrysalis, she went to sleep

Tucked in with those thoughts that she wanted to keep

One sunny day, the cacoon came unsealed

Magically, a butterfly was revealed

Seeing this miracle with my own eyes;

Of caterpillars becoming butterflies,

Beings real hope of the possibility

Of the total transformation of me!

Like the caterpillar that crawls the Earth,

We are destined for a divine birth
                                                    
                                                              [Poem retrieved from: http://www.veganpoet.com/humanity/metamorphosis.htm] 

May 16, 2011: I sang a nursery rhyme to my boss and I get employed.
Still remembered it was four months before I graduate,
when  I was just thinking to have some part time job ,
so to ready myself a full time job after I complete my study.

Coincidentally, I passed by a recruiting notice on a wall when I was doing my shopping 
it's written: 
"Are you enthusiastic towards young kids? Did you have a pleasant voice with positive attitude?
You are the one we are looking for! Join us!"

  

After I joined in, I was surprised to know that the working environment is like heaven,
and all the customers are those cute little angels ranging from 0-5 years old
while my job tasks are to sing songs, dance and play with them
the nature of the job is the awesome ever i can find, and it makes me feel as in I was born to be meant for this job

the colleagues were young, energetic and nice
I had awesome time working there.
time really flies,
 as I always find myself working Over Time without realizing. But I did, enjoy doing it

Everything went so perfect, until the REALITY comes in.
Our lady boss is a business woman,she, represent everything in the company
whatever she feel is correct, it will be the company vision;
 whatever she command, that will be the objectives of the company.

Every promise changes, whichever she thinks is right
Finally I chose to leave; than to struggle myself to stay in a heaven with nothing to believe in

After that, I kept looking for a similar job,
intended to find a similar working environment where I can be surrounded by super cute kids 
Until I found a Child Enrichment Center which emphasis on Multiple Intelligence
It is a growing company with positive work strategies

I joined them in the starting of 2012.
In that company, everyone was nice and friendly;
there goes my my four months over there,
simple and peaceful working life.

Until the REALITY comes hit me again, 
where you find everyone started to question you:
How was the pay over there? What are you actually working and what have you learned?
Did that really benefiting you in your future? what can you become?

I have no choice but to start thinking what I really want to achieve in my life.
Yes, I am doing what I like,
children are my love and teaching is my passion;
but living in my dream can as well benefiting me in reality?

At that time, I was quite confused and I have to admit that I've made my decision in rush.
I threw in my resignation and decided to go for a bank corporation.
Initially, I felt extremely bad for leaving the company without them having a chance to make me stay;
but everything has come to an end after I received their letter.

The letter claimed that I decided to go without having intention to serve for a full one month notice,
therefore, they have no choice but to fine me around RM400.
I understand that salary deduction is reasonable for not being able to serve for full month notice;
but when they're giving me this while expecting me to return to them in future, is that sound convincing? No.

The moment I received the letter I was pissed off. Very very pissed
Even after I slept I still had that in my dream and ended up woke up in a super bad mood.
I was told by this end to do like this; while the other end send me letter claim that I should not do thing this way.
It seem like what is being promised is not what it's turn out to be.

Thinking from a good side. Without the letter I would not expect such cruelty.
Now that I'm relieved, to freely pursue my new goal without having to take care of anything else.
Despite all, the inspiration they gave was indeed a priceless one,
for, there is no shortcut in life until I really experience it by myself to decide what I really want. 

Both the lessons learned had actually given me a real slap in my face.
That I should realize by now, 
for what I thought it will be everything in my life is actually not what I am looking for.
It has also reminds me of the truth that: "Dream, cannot make money".

Now, I am giving myself a try to live in REALITY,
While seeing the world out there can afford giving me more than what I am searching in life
thus, there would be no necessity for me to risk my life just to live in my dream
for it can hardly guarantee me that they can secure the future that I wanted

A process of transformation from caterpillar into butterfly,
from a creature that used to crawl on the ground,
into a creature that can fly freely in the air.

For it is nothing more than a transition, 
for you to go through the stages, 
to know where you really belong.

No one is born perfect; as we can hardly find a newborn flying in the sky effortlessly

there is nothing wrong to crawl on ground, while you know you have the ability to fly
  For it is just a matter of transition, that requires time and effort as well as patient.

I am now living quite fine in reality, despite missing the children a little

Career part 2: Let go; Let's go

It was just few months after my previous post where I was excitedly talking about my current company;

now I am here heavyhearted-ly bringing in to an end.

Let Go

I sent in my resignation letter when my superior was on leave,

I knew it wasn't right but my company in future has not given me enough time to really plan for anything else.

I got a job offer from HSBC and i accepted the offer.

It was a long waited job, and yes, it was the first company I approached once I graduated

the future in that company sound really really promising

It was indeed a good offer, 

everyone is supporting me to pursue a better future there.

Yet, I am feeling bad

for not being able to commit long enough in my current company.

For all I believe professionalism is,

staying in one company long enough; serving with passion;

 getting to know bits and pieces of the company and thus contribute to the company.

It was such an heartache,

to see how dissapointed my superiors were when they received such a shocking news from me

They have been putted so much hopes on me, and before I realize, they have already plan the whole career pathway for me.

Sorry that only until today I came to know that I was once being appreciated. 

I would like to express my appreciation to those who really support me:

1. Ms. Tan, my working partner

She was a professional accountant,
her strength is to get everything perfectly done; while her weakness is intolerance towards inaccurate figure (accountant's occupational sickness, haha).

She is very task oriented while I am people oriented,

I like to talk and deal with people while she prefer to deal with figure and paper works

thus, we have this team work between us where she will get everything done and let me to convey the message to the related party.

Her ability was so much above what the company is paying her,

I am here hoping for all the best in her life

2. Steven, HR staff

Steven was one of the staffs that makes me felt very much appreciated.
He had putted in a lot of effort trying to show me how much I am being appreciated by fellow superior.
And he was the only one that approached me to concern about my feeling working for that company

Steven, I am really sorry if I've dragged you from the heaven to hell;

I am sorry if I've given so much hopes yet leaving without getting you prepared.

3. Principal

Principal, I am sorry that I am leaving.

I am not sure how much you rated on my performance;

but my evaluation for myself has never reach 40%,

I have no confidence working for you

Thank you so much for your tolerance,

for all I knew the time I spent at work is just giving you a double work
You've been nice and patient to me,
Thank you for what you've taught.

4. Kenny, HR manager that interviewed me and given me this job

Mr. Kenny, thank you for offering me a job at REAL

and it was so touch that you still welcome me 4 months after I rejected the company.

without you, I will have no work in the past few months.

without you, I will not have the chance to gain such experiences

5. Malar, Business Manager

Ms. Malar, thank you for being understandable. 

As what you said, I will not be stopped from searching for what I want in life;

and, the door is always open whenever I feel like coming back.

Thank you, I will take your words with me

Let’s Go

My decision to go for HSBC will be a total career transition from education line to the customer service.
I can't say for sure that this will suits me more than teaching

However, my objective is simple:
I just want to get into big company, explore and see what else I can do other than teaching

Yes, it may or may not suits me
but, never try, I will never know

I hope that while I am still young,
I can get to explore more instead of staying within my comfort zone

I'll like to have more options in my life,
I'll like it if I can get to choose my own future

Although for the time being, teaching is my passion and children are my love

But also I am open up to opportunity before I really get myself settled at this young age

God bless me and the people around me

Thank you 

how much did we actually paid for a lesson learnt?

How expensive have you ever paid for a lesson to learn?
How much one can posses, is exactly how much one can lose

According to my zordiac, this year will be a very tough year for me;
and in fact, life has already treated me hard enough for the past few months

Most of the unpleasant incidents that happened were highly related to money matter;
the most threatening is, it did not only cause a teeny weeny amount but a hell lot!

With all the alarming incidents,
I  have this urge to do some serious reflection so to figure out something that can help with my situation

At the meantime, I discover that:

When we find ourselves afraid of losing, means we have something to lose
The more we EARN; the more it is possibly to LOSE


I have few friends with me that has their very unique spending style,
which I would like to share with you over here

Friend A:
Basic salary:    average
Benefits:    can claim OT
Working hour: Long
Accumulated figure:     high
Financial support: extra from parents
 Spending style: Has budget, with financial supports from parents.
Therefore, she has no restriction buying anything she wants. Spend quite much.

Friend B:
Basic salary:    low
Benefits:    work near home (eat, transport, petro, socializing cost - almost none)
Working hour:    super long
Accumulated figure:    low
Financial support:    family
Spending style: Buy branded stuffs that has extremely exceed what she can earned. She claimed that she was  too stressed and has no other entertainment, therefore, through buying she can seem to balance up the hard work she has putted in for her work

     Friend C:
Basic salary:   high
Benefits:    family business (eat, transport, petro, - almost none)
Working hour: Super long
Accumulated figure:     high
Financial support: no
 Spending style: Has no break in the weekend & holiday, thus not much time and energy to spend money.
Committed and spend big money investing on feng shui, taking care of her health and insurance; sometime buy branded stuffs

Me: 
Basic salary:   average
Benefits:    family support (eat, transport, petro, - none)
Working hour: short
Accumulated figure:    average
Financial support: family
 Spending style: Save half of my salary; buy branded but not often. Surveyed as I could and buy only the best one I think it is (if shopping with friends, salesman gonna hate me the most caz i always ask a lot but has lowest percentage of buying it HAHA).

I used to be rational consumer and always try to be;
until recently the influences among my friends and I become uncontrollably powerful

LESSON LEARNT:  Personal Belongingness 

A day after Christmas; and a day before I started my job,

I lost my phone.

Not so long ago, I buy myself a new phone;

but it charged me a bomb, despite how acceptable or unacceptable the charges is

Losing an old one is truly a heartache;

yet buying a new one is not as excited as it expected to be.
When we started to work, we started to earn a living.
Richness should not be judged according to the amount we earned; but how we manage our money

My friend had directly and indirectly influence me to buy something that cost big money
and one thing I realized:
we should not buy something because we have the budget to do so;
but simply refer to how necessarily it is to our life

LESSON LEARNT: Friendship

I am so glad that I had more than one gang of very close friends;

but now that they made me realized that,

no matter how trust-able they are; I can't bet my life on them,

caz they have no responsibility to take care of my life as theirs'. 

Close friends especially girls close friends have a lot of sharing and brainwashing among themselves

we so often share real life stories, opinion, and gossiping when we're together

at the same time, influences among us spread like a disaster,
it should be all stopped before it's getting worse

we spent money irrationally, we compete between one another for all the branded stuffs,
 and even judging how much the gifts we received from people around us.
We're all gone oh so materialism which we have lose all sense of money management
tell me, my dear friends. Do you really enjoy spending irrationally?

Before we get influenced and being manipulated so easily;
please always be reminded that we are and will be the only one to bear with all the consequences.
Are we still naively thinking that our friends will be that helpful to help us solving the problem as how 'helpful' they used to influence us?  no!

LESSON LEARNT: The more I talk about it, the bad it will be

"I had this thing that I talk too much
sometimes I just can't shut the hell up
It's like I need to tell someone, anyone who'll listen
and that's where I seem to fuck up"


"yeah, I forget about the consequences
for a minute there I lose my senses
and in the heat of the moment my mouth starts going
the words start flowing, oh"

Lyric: Nobody's Perfect by Jessie J

I should urge myself to change the way I talk,

something has just gone all wrong.

I am too much emphasized on the good thing I had;

while I am so cautious not to over share the information that is regards as not so pleasant

For all I knew that my friends will not like to hear everything that good about me;

it is boring, it has no big deal on them, they will lost their interest to feel happy for me all the time.

On the other hand, I should also learn to handle news that come under my expectation;
caz i have to know that: "there is nothing impossible to be lost; and there is nothing a must to be possessed"

In the year of 2012,
I should always take note that SIMPLICITY is everything,
I should not go hu-ha for anything big; and try not to have fancy expectation on my life

In the year of 2012,
If something good happens, be quietly happy for that and appreciate it;
If something bad hitting, remember not hold it too tight with me until it affect some other good things to come

So, why are we making life so difficult?

photo credits to https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150387943119702&set=p.10150387943119702&type=1&ref=nf

Career part 1: Delayed gratification

One day after Christmas, I lost my phone in a shopping mall

and here started the journey of my working life

All this while, 

I've been looking forward to live with my dream,

I would love if I can try any job that I feel like trying;

but it was a lot of obstacles and boundaries set by my mum

She wouldn't want me to work very far from home; 

She wouldn't allow me to work something that requires qualification below Degree graduates level;

She wouldn't like me to work for shift

Therefore my choice is really limited.

In a few months time, I only apply for:
(i) customer service at HSBC

(ii) Early Childhood teacher at REALKIDS;

(iii) Teaching assistant at Nexus International School; and

(iv) Sales & Planning Executive at Toshiba

4 months before, I've been hired by REALKIDS on the date I went for interview; unfortunately my mum wanted me to reject the offer due to the far distance

4 months later, I was desperately needing a job; and my mum had finally agreed me returning to them for a job

Thank goodness they still welcome me even I rejected them long ago

Few weeks after I started the job, Toshiba started to reply and offered me the position I've been applying for

The salary and remuneration are of course more promising than my current job

but then I rejected the offers from the reputed company

Although my current company cannot offer me good payment; but I am staying for my future

The company provides us a series of training and strongly encourage us to go for further studies,

They wouldn't mind to cover the training fees for us; they gave us the priority to attend training during working hours.

The GM is wise and far sighted, he had expanded his business to China decade ago; 

The staffs have been so generous to share any information and knowledge to us, regardless how committed we are to the company.

The company has given us variety of choices to plan for our own career pathway,

They have the reporting system for us to rate ourselves, as well as for them to evaluate on our progression.

Although, the start of my current job wasn't as pleasing as I expected it to

I lost my phone one day before I started working;

I couldn't get my own car as what my parents had promised me;

the salary and remuneration are not that promising
and maybe the good points I mentioned above are just same as what other companies can offer 

But I'm still willing to give it a try, maybe I was fated for this challenge 

I believe that: with all my patient and positive thinking, my day will come

and I do believe that one day, I would say this to myself:

I NEVER REGRET ACCEPTING THIS JOB AND NEVER REGRET REJECTING OTHERS

for now, I still couldn't determine whether this is a EARN or a LOSS
but I am so glad that I can have this chance to actually experience and learn Delayed Gratification 

I will no longer asking and wanting everything to fall into places perfectly as I want it to;
but with all the opportunity given, I am here trying my best

*Work hard and pray hard for my day to come*

20, 30, 40

"At the age of 20, we don't care what the world thinks of us; 
at 30, we worry about what it is thinking of us; 
at 40, we discover that it wasn't thinking of us at all."

Anonymous

A friend of mine had this kind of idea where he listed down 21 things to remember to celebrate his 21st birthday.

I used to have similar thought to make my 21st a memorable one; but had it in different way, that is to try out 21 different ways of celebration with my friend. 

While we are still celebrating and counting. 

I think it would also be good to list down some significant life lessons

1. Live, Learn, Love

Have the ability and flexibility to adapt and survive in each situation, learn from the life lesson, get wisdom and start giving love to those who needs

Giving is blessing, don't stop giving until you lose the ability to do so

2. Routine is a big thing, keep it healthy

Routine is something that we spend more than half of our time doing, and it's where achievement and success happens

Set a desirable outcome, have an objective and work for it

3. Enjoyment is another big thing, KISS it

It is something that regards as fun and inspiring, and it's always been eagerly looking and waiting for

Overdo will only lead to perversion. Balance it, then we can find contentment

* KISS = keep it short and sweet

4. YOU and the problem of YOUR life

No one has the responsibility to take care of our feeling and emotions all the time; not even our parents or life partner

Always take a good care of ourselves and being responsible for our own problems

5. If you're afraid of losing, which means there is still something for you to lose

If something threaten makes us having no reasons to move on, then we will stuck at the miserable situation, forever

Losing something important? Make sure we get it back next time. Trust me, Karma did works

6.   Stubborn and determination are both different thing

Stubborn is to blindly follow something that we think we like regardless of what is right or wrong

Determination is to be very clear of our objective so that we can work hard to reach the desirable outcome

Let go when we have to; but never give up hope

7. Accept everything that happens

A success that happens: Cherish the glory moment, accept compliment from others humbly and thanks God for the blessing;

A failure that happens: Face it, accept the reality and learn from the lesson without pointing the blame on anyone

Anything happens for a reason. A success person will only see it as an opportunity

8. Don't depends your life on others

No one is responsible for our life except our own. If we are not taking care of ourselves then no one will

Stop taking for granted and stop fooling ourselves that someone can do everything for us

Sharing a world with others, we can help each other but not to fully rely on anyone

9. Be clear of your objective and purpose of doing things

Human is born greedy, not satisfy with life and always complaining

Always be clear with the objective and purpose of doing something

So that we can learn how to take things easily

10. Have expectation in yourself. Rate your own performance; not base on the rating from theirs'

We know who we are and what our level is; others can't be bothered to know how much we have been through

Ratings from them can somehow be biased according to their own preferences

Know ourselves, learn from the lesson and move forward

11. if it's your', it will be yours'

Want something? Work for it. Not able to get it? Then forget it

The result isn't important, neither the process

It is the lesson for us to figure out which one suits us more and how to handle it when the next time comes

12. Have no excuse for yourself and always forgive others

Perfection is not to give any excuse for the mistake we did; but to give any reason for others' mistake

Their life is theirs, understand the differences and forgive as we could; our life is us, only us knowing how to bring the best out of ourselves

13. Information is selective, judgment is biased

We can't stop people from saying what they want to say; but we can filter and select the important and correct message they try to deliver

Same goes to people in getting what we try to tell. It is a human nature to select what is considered important to them

14. If we are to get angry, there should be a reason behind it. And the reason, should always be acceptable by others

Misunderstanding happens between two or more parties,
the one that get angry, pissed, or cry doesn't mean they are the only victim

A quarrel can only be stop when both parties reach their consensus

15. Stop the drama, goes with flows

Life is full with ups and downs; try not to overreact on success or failure,

because we will either be labeled as someone that showing off or we're just another pessimist

People prefer laughing at our failure than to celebrate our success. So why let them having the chance to do that on us?

16.  Mistake happens once, may due to the external reason; mistake repeated, it is the internal thing that should be changed

Something undesirable or unexpected happen, it may due to the external reason such as luck, people or situation influences

But once the same one keep repeated, it may be something inside us that having the problem

Figure it out, and work for it

17. Don't enforce your value on others. No one should have the same as yours

People like to influence or change others to have the same mindset as theirs,

and they always judge others based on their preferences

Don't simply judge and expect anyone to change for you. It ain't fair

18. Be nice and sincere to people doesn't mean we have to treat them with full heart. Be clear of the safe boundaries

Regardless how we are excited over things or passion towards people

Everyone has their safe boundaries and comfort zone of interacting with strangers or normal friends

Try not to cross the line, live in harmony

19. Respect, is the least we can give towards a broken relationship

If something has already reach a stage where nothing can be fixed

aside the effort to eliminate any misunderstanding

respect the decision by other party is also a kind of self respect

20. Everyone is beautiful and unique in their own ways

Everyone is unique. We all come in a full set

If you know someone well enough, their weakness can somehow be balanced by their strength

See the beauty in it and appreciate the differences, we will find the world as cute and beautiful as it is

21. Everyone's life is destined. It's just how you make the best out of it

We all come in a full set, and our faith is somehow destined

No use to work over the things that are not belong to us

Discover our strength and go with the flow. Life will be easier 

GUYS

Saw this article on the net. Despite enjoy reading it; I really like to agree with everything that mentioned.

So girls, if you're to ask their opinion, these should be the answers to be heard:
   * If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
   * Don't cut your hair, ever.
   * Anything you wear is fine. Really.
   * You have enough clothes; you have too many shoes
   * Most guys own two or three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd any good at choosing which  pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
   * Let's us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
   * Women wearing wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
   * If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Ugly truths to be faced:
   * Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
   * Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
   * No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calender.
   * Your brother is an idiot, your ex-bf is an idiot and you dad is probably too.
   * If you don't dress like Victoria's Secret girls; don't expect us to to act like soap opera guys.
   * Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

When you plan to start living your life with guys:
   * Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
   * Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
   *Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
   * Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.

The communication between him and you will EITHER goes right OR forever:
   * Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers.
   *Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
   *Dogs are better than ANY cats.
   *Sunday = sports. It's like full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
   *Shopping is not sport.
   *Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
   * You can either ask us to do something OR tell is how you want it done. NOT both.
   * It's neither your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
   * If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways make you sad and angry, we ment the other one.
   * Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
   * Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
   * Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

[Information cited from  http://www.anvari.org/fun/Gender/Rules_that_Guys_Wished_Girls_Knew.html]

Guys are quite simple.. They are really JUST that simple. Sigh

Life

Routine is a big thing, keep it healthy

Enjoyment is another big thing, KISS it

*KISS = keep it short & sweet

Transition

I'd down for no reason;

till I've figured out that..

I'm not only weak in tolerating people;

I'm also not used to wait in uncertainty

Guess I have enjoyed too much of my carefree life back in college time;

I'd given so much of freedom to decide when to study, what to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner; and going out with friends without need to inform anyone else

but at the same time I'm tired, to bare everything by my own.

Despite enjoying life; safety and money matter are always the main worries

after I graduated, I moved back to my home decided to start living a life with my family; 

It's safer at home; everything was literally provided

Life should be simpler and thus happier.. "should be"..

but I wasn't really happy all this while 

yes, it seem like everything has been provided;

but i can't sense the happiness for the success of my hard work; there was no track of my sweat and pain

and there are too much of advises and directions given by different parties, which causing me confuse,

i can't just reject their opinion without thinking and trying it, it's rather impolite

therefore, I accept whatever advises, as long as it all came from their concerns,

I consider and try every single opportunity that I think might works

until I've totally forgot what I really like and want;

it's like I am turning round and round on the same spot, going neither here nor there

transition from independent into dependent;
for it I never know it is actually harder that I would ever thought

after all, I am actually having quite a lot of opinions about life,
after all, I am actually quite happy with the decision I previously made, despite how hard I should work for it

after all, being obedience is not as easy as just following whatever that people say;
you should know how to let go your own thoughts, and to be blind for your own feeling

if you're letting people deciding your life for you, then don't bother dreaming;
no one is responsible for your happiness; yet it's plainly impossible for someone to place your priority over theirs

I am spending so much of my time waiting for something to happen,

months it took me to wait for some small little thing to be confirmed; yet to be really confirmed

I do not know why but guess I was quite lucky that most of my records of going for an interview were being hired on the spot;

but maybe now i'm approaching a bigger corporation, a lot of times are needed for a single process to be proceed from this stage to another

To be frank, I am quite bored of waiting;

I can't be sure that the answer I'm waiting for is seriously being considered

I've too much of free time to spend,

for it is something that people eagerly asking for; but for me was totally a nightmare. this is pathetic

well, I can actually seek for other thing else to do in the mean time of waiting;
I could have a longer wish list than anyone else

yet, I am here doing nothing aside waiting;
totally freedom restricted by my parents

I have no one to blame;
I chose to return to them; and restriction of freedom should be expected

this period that named as transition

is another life lesson for me (i) to learn in the process while enjoying AND (ii) to prepare myself to bare the consequences of any outcome of my choice

but before that.. please let me cry
cry for myself that has lose my own will; cry for the sickening of waiting in uncertainty; cry for the regrets of betting my life on others' hand; cry for the inability to seek for my own happiness while I actually have the ability to do so

I have so much to cry of,
in the process called transition

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*updated on 29th Nov 2011*

哭了..没办法再忍受了

当初做的决定；单纯地以为一切将会很美好

没想到过程会是那么的辛苦

时间多得让人发慌，

我看不见我要的明天；美好的将来我不敢奢望

就连现在的我，都无法自救

同样的错误一犯再犯，

知道问题在哪里；

可是很痛心地我无法做出任何改变

在乎的人；不在乎的人，好像都帮不上什么忙

关心的人；不关心的人都没办法安慰我的失望

这似乎没什么。只是现在的我很害怕自己..做错了决定


————————————————————————————————————————
*updated on 16th December*

-Success is not final; failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts-

by Winston Churchill

I have faith in myself that I can succeed;

but doesn't means everyone should grant me the opportunity I want

Life is too complicated to be just right and wrong,

the world isn't turning around me; and neither do I need to turn myself around the world

Disappointment shall not bring me down; it should makes me stronger instead

be positive! keep my faith to myself. my dream will eventually comes true

Sonnet 18 by William Shakespeare

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate.

Rough wind do shake the darling buds of May,

And summer’s lease hath all too short to a date:

Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,

And often is his gold complexion dimm’d;

And every fair from fair sometimes declines,

By chance, or nature’s changing course, untrimm’d;

But thy eternal summer shall not fade

Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st;

Nor shall Death brag thou wand’rest in his shade,

When in eternal lines to time thou grow’st.

So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,

So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

William Shakespeare

The poem of Sonnet 18 by William Shakespeare was one of the poem in English literature for sekolah menengah's syllabus.

I've been exposed to it when I was 16 but that time, what i knew are pretty girl, summer and roses. that's all. HAHA
Now that I read back the poem, it was simply beautiful and the poem did touches my heart.

Other than that, I would like to share this:

[source retrieved from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thou] 

Note the Thee Thou Thy in the poem? That are actually the terms commonly use in most of the Shakespeare's works.
Congtretz, now you've learned how and when to use the Thee, Thou, Thy? :D 

are we healthy enough to stay away from sickness?

for the first ever time my trip to Genting wasn't about having fun but thoughts and reflections

for accompanying my grandparents to Genting for a short trip,

I experienced both WEAKness and SICKness

A vacation suppose to be relaxing, fun and happy time spending with each other;

but for my grandparents, it wasn't easy even to travel up the hill just to 'relax';

in fact, they had really tough time surviving the cold breeze over there and the overcrowded place

As for me, I think I've underestimated my 'long lost friend', asthma.

I catch a cold before we depart to Genting and asthma hit me middle of the night in the hotel

At that time, I do not have any medicine with me; yet not ready to tell my parents about the sudden sickness

as I do not want to be the third persons that needed their full attention at all time

________________________________________________________

 I took care of myself and my asthma was slowly recovered;

yet, my mum insists to send me to clinic for a checkup,

wanting me to have a better sleep tonight

of my hesitation, decision to be hospitalized was finally confirmed around 11pm

because it has already past 9:30pm and the clinic is closed; emergency room in GH is the only choice

My visit to GH was pathetic

I was horrified by everything I saw although all the scenes were suppose to be expected

Case 1:

A patient laying on the bed with one hand restricted by a handcuff, accompanied by 2 quite-big-size persons sitting near to him chit chatting.
At first I was frightened, as I thought both of them are gangsters (or the patient's friends).

But then my mum explained to me that purple color robe that he is wearing indicates prisoner; and two of the big sized men might as well be the police men or related officers. 

Case 2: 

The Asthma Bay was overcrowded with patients;

YET the counter was overcrowded with staffs chit chatting

All the patients looked extremely weak. They are using all their strength just to take in a puff of air. Any second for them was critical, suffer, and unfortunate

ON THE OTHER HAND, the doctors and nurses seemingly enjoyed their sweet time together paying no attention to the dying individuals with their hopeless stare

Case 3: 

After awhile being ignored, I get attended by an assistant. Instead of showing me a warm concern like asking me how do I feel or what's my condition is; he came to me asked me whether I've registered (what the hell?)

*fyi: actually I felt so much better compare to yesterday the sleepless night. Just that my mum afraid that my asthma will get serious again to disturb my sleep. Therefore, I'm temporarily 'all fine' to be hospitalized unless my condition really get serious at the mid of the night* 

I super scared that I'll be shooed out of the hospital under the accuse of "having no sickness" (haha)

But then I was over-worried.
The assistant straight away passed me a oxygen mask after he checked my heartbeat with a stethoscope. It seem to be too easy for me to get a treatment from him without being asked any question. I mean my case is definitely mild, he can either yell at me of having too much time to come to them with a not-so-sick body OR I should suspect that their stethoscope is not functioning (at least it can't tell whether i'm really sick)

I was relaxed awhile for being able to bluff through. But I realized I was totally wrong when he came back to the patients to insert a needle on their hand. Is that a 'tradition' they practice over here, in GH? (are you kidding me)? He approached one by one and slowly to the patient besides me. I immediately hide my hand and whispered to myself: "don't you dare simply cucuk!". At the same time I'm preparing what should I do if it is my turn? The best solution I can figured is to throw him the oxygen mask saying: "I think I get better now. ciao!" But luckily there isn't my turn (what a great relief? =D)

Case 4:

There were 2 young patients (babies) admitted into the hospital. They seem fine when they were being carried in their mum's arm into the hospital. From their innocent faces how I wish I can be like them, worrying nothing about what kind of pains they might have gone through. At least they won't be suffering from the moment while waiting to get an injection or the fear of pain for the surgeries.  

But eventually they still cried out loud for the uncomfortable feeling when their tiny bodies were being injected with a needle. It was so heartbreaking to see them having to go through the unbearable pain at the young age.

Yet, I can see double pain, triple tiredness and infinite worries in their mums. 

Now that I can totally knows how it feels being a patient or a guidance
either one fall sick both will have to suffer

 It isn't easy to STAY HEALTHY; and it isn't easy as well to STAY AWAY FROM SICKNESS