Transition

I'd down for no reason;

till I've figured out that..

I'm not only weak in tolerating people;

I'm also not used to wait in uncertainty

Guess I have enjoyed too much of my carefree life back in college time;

I'd given so much of freedom to decide when to study, what to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner; and going out with friends without need to inform anyone else

but at the same time I'm tired, to bare everything by my own.

Despite enjoying life; safety and money matter are always the main worries

after I graduated, I moved back to my home decided to start living a life with my family; 

It's safer at home; everything was literally provided

Life should be simpler and thus happier.. "should be"..

but I wasn't really happy all this while 

yes, it seem like everything has been provided;

but i can't sense the happiness for the success of my hard work; there was no track of my sweat and pain

and there are too much of advises and directions given by different parties, which causing me confuse,

i can't just reject their opinion without thinking and trying it, it's rather impolite

therefore, I accept whatever advises, as long as it all came from their concerns,

I consider and try every single opportunity that I think might works

until I've totally forgot what I really like and want;

it's like I am turning round and round on the same spot, going neither here nor there

transition from independent into dependent;
for it I never know it is actually harder that I would ever thought

after all, I am actually having quite a lot of opinions about life,
after all, I am actually quite happy with the decision I previously made, despite how hard I should work for it

after all, being obedience is not as easy as just following whatever that people say;
you should know how to let go your own thoughts, and to be blind for your own feeling

if you're letting people deciding your life for you, then don't bother dreaming;
no one is responsible for your happiness; yet it's plainly impossible for someone to place your priority over theirs

I am spending so much of my time waiting for something to happen,

months it took me to wait for some small little thing to be confirmed; yet to be really confirmed

I do not know why but guess I was quite lucky that most of my records of going for an interview were being hired on the spot;

but maybe now i'm approaching a bigger corporation, a lot of times are needed for a single process to be proceed from this stage to another

To be frank, I am quite bored of waiting;

I can't be sure that the answer I'm waiting for is seriously being considered

I've too much of free time to spend,

for it is something that people eagerly asking for; but for me was totally a nightmare. this is pathetic

well, I can actually seek for other thing else to do in the mean time of waiting;
I could have a longer wish list than anyone else

yet, I am here doing nothing aside waiting;
totally freedom restricted by my parents

I have no one to blame;
I chose to return to them; and restriction of freedom should be expected

this period that named as transition

is another life lesson for me (i) to learn in the process while enjoying AND (ii) to prepare myself to bare the consequences of any outcome of my choice

but before that.. please let me cry
cry for myself that has lose my own will; cry for the sickening of waiting in uncertainty; cry for the regrets of betting my life on others' hand; cry for the inability to seek for my own happiness while I actually have the ability to do so

I have so much to cry of,
in the process called transition

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*updated on 29th Nov 2011*

哭了..没办法再忍受了

当初做的决定；单纯地以为一切将会很美好

没想到过程会是那么的辛苦

时间多得让人发慌，

我看不见我要的明天；美好的将来我不敢奢望

就连现在的我，都无法自救

同样的错误一犯再犯，

知道问题在哪里；

可是很痛心地我无法做出任何改变

在乎的人；不在乎的人，好像都帮不上什么忙

关心的人；不关心的人都没办法安慰我的失望

这似乎没什么。只是现在的我很害怕自己..做错了决定


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*updated on 16th December*

-Success is not final; failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts-

by Winston Churchill

I have faith in myself that I can succeed;

but doesn't means everyone should grant me the opportunity I want

Life is too complicated to be just right and wrong,

the world isn't turning around me; and neither do I need to turn myself around the world

Disappointment shall not bring me down; it should makes me stronger instead

be positive! keep my faith to myself. my dream will eventually comes true