Sunday, June 7, 2009

Agnes Bulu

My house maid Agnes Bulu is helpful yet a headache!
She brings us much laughter but still i need to complain!!

Today was a beautiful day. It is so rare for me to resist from good food. Instead of joining my family members for wedding dinner; i chose to spend my eating time to work out. My maid was pleased and she volunteered to cook me maggie mee. After ordering how and what to cook for my share. I sat there watching tv waiting for my meal to be served.
Quickly, she made it nicely and served in front of my eyes without me even moving my body. Then I spent half an hour finishing it. When i am about to finish she came and ask me nice or not. Then i replied: "yummy! i wish i could have another one!" Then she showed me a pack of seasoning and said: "but i forgot to put this one in". Straight away i fainted.. i speechless..

Is she being careless OR just me being stupid can't even know how to differentiate the taste?

THAT WAS JUST AN INCIDENT. I still got whole lots more to complain, so please bear with me..

First, I am so much confused by her vague identity.

Name:
When the date she entered our house, she wants us to call her Nissa. Few months after she added a sir name for herself and her name suddenly become Tanissa.
(p/s: she added Tan in front of her name, and that's my family sir name)
But when I checked on her passport, her name printed nicely Agnes Bulu; hence i call her Agnes, and guess what? she gave me the blur face, showing that she has no idea who Agnes is.

Religion
She looks small and black exactly like an African. The lame reason my mum gave for choosing her is because she is a Christian and my mum wants a maid who can cook and eat pork. But seem like she enjoy celebrating Chinese New Year more than Christmas. Again, i doubt she know what Christmas is.

Age
In her passport she reported 24 years old; but she then revealed that she is only 20 years old. What the heck?? And she act totally.. i mean totally.. like an immature child coming out from the jungle.

Remember that was once whole of my family went out for vacation. The moment when we reached home tiredly; she bounced from kitchen to living room and yield like she was in concert.
*ello? even if you want to express your excitement or welcome us from the bottom of your heart; can't you know it isn't appropriate because you're not behaving urself*

And i doubt whether she is a well trained house maid or not. Caz for me she is more likely to become our house mate than being a house maid.
Why said so??

First, she had clear record striving for her rights.

Afternoon nap
Well, you can said it's either inherited or our family is just a lazy bump; my whole family has the habit of taking afternoon nap. So here she is, whenever seeing us having our nap she definitely request to let her nap too.
*ello? my mum needs a maid; not another daughter*

And i think she is revenging on us for not allowing her for afternoon nap. Dunno why but she love cleaning the bathroom when i was in my nap. Or else she love to vacuum the room early in the morning and report false time so that we will jump out from our bed thinking we have slept overtime.

Well, you will definitely ask me to train her or whatsoever. I did told my mum and guess what my mum said. "She is just doing her work. You sleep whole day and night; how can she tolerate your timing?" Means what? for my mum what she have done is absolutely right! =.=''

Watching TV
Watching TV and laughing together is one of the family time we enjoy the most. Whenever we laugh jolly; she will start cleaning the windows in living room (caz from there she can get to watch tv too, smart, rite?). and even though she couldn't understand the language being spoken; she can laugh even louder than us. seriously

And when there is no one in the living room there's her golden chance to watch tv. Channel 108 (indian channel) is her favorite channel and she knows how to lower the volume so that she won't get caught. and even when she get caught she will stand there smiling stupidly at you. How can you scold??

And here some of her habits that make me.. uncomfortable.

Singing
I dunno how but seem like she get to know quite a lot of songs from her Indian tv channel and radio (my mum gave her a radio in her room). She especially loving Baby from Justin Bieber. And whenever i sing my song she will started to hum, whatever rhythm she like.

Washing
Not sure whether it's a good thing or not. She love washing, any cleaning stuff that has to do with water. We have a nice washing machine there but she still insist on hand washing before putting them into the machine. She has already spoil a lot of my Zara yet according to my mum. if i am still complaining she would let me wash the clothes by myself =/

Sigh! she has given me enough. Seeing others' maid being so helpful yet my maid is.. sigh!
But at least she is SOMEHOW cute. hmm.. like.. like.. Oh yea! she love chili sauce and maggie mee. Hell yea, she is quite easy to feed^^

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Freshmen lunch

Spending 2 years finishing my STPM as what my mum have arranged was an awful experience.

But I am glad that I've learned, to learn more about my life as well as others'.
Spending quite some times listening to my heart. I finally got my mind decided to pursue my Degree major in psychology in HELP University College.

Unfortunately, my lovely mother had planned the whole of my life pathways for me, and here comes another hard time in my life. She wanted me to go INTI University College studying with both my sister and brother together whose majoring in business.
Anticipated studying in HELP University College will be million times tougher than enjoying my study life in INTI University, she tried everything just for me to obey her order.

Sorry that I am not gonna to follow them this time. I had fully made my mind and I am very sure what I am looking for.
I promised I will never waste any single of their cents and efforts affording me to study in a University they think I may not be able to cope with.
Hence, I spent half a year working to earn my first RM10,000 - paying for the course fee and accommodation and finally I get to convince my parents for me to study there, with my determination for sure =D

Here I come to start a total new life, and I hope I will never regret on the first big decision I have made in my life =)


Photo taken with my beloved lecturer, Dr. Goh and all my best friends here in HELP UC.



Say cheese! promise that we will keep smiling by hand holding until we finish the course =)



A letter to parents:

Mum and Dad,

As what you anticipated, my life in here will be real hard, I may need to struggle just for a paper (certificate). I am totally agree with you and I have make myself preparing for the fight.

Mum and Dad,

Thanks for everything that you tried to help. I have grown up and this is a good timing for me to take my responsibility choosing my own life. I promise to take a good care of myself and try not to make you worry. I know what is good for me and I promise I will go ONLY for that.

Thanks God I've now successfully applied for the PTPTN loan, it can financially secure my continuous course fee and my part time job will be enough to cover and sometime satisfy my materialistic behavior. I know you will definitely proud of me of being so independent without asking any cents from you.
But one thing I may always want to dependent on you, is to love and care you forever in my life.

Mum and Dad,
I love you as I always do.

Truly,
your dearest daughter

Monday, August 20, 2007

泪























星期日的早上,我带着期待又忐忑的心情。跟家人到Sungei Wang 去唱K!哇!我最爱了.. 

半途中,我们停在一家餐馆用早餐。
那家餐馆,是家氏企业。里面的人手,都是那家人一手包办的。
每天的顾客都那么的多,忙得不得了!!
人来人往,他们的脚步,从未休息。

"老板,收钱!" 
"是.."
"老板,order!"
"好,来了.."
"老板,我点的是kopi,不是teh咧!"
"对不起喔!马上换一杯给你.."

就酱,店里的每个人都很忙,忙着吃,忙着说,忙着消遣,忙着赚钱..

这时的我,也很忙..忙着东张西望,观察每个人的动作,表情。
他们不刻意的每个表情,不必做作的每个动作,让我感觉到世界的可爱!

眼光就这样扫完了整间店。
但,我在此刻隐约地感觉到一股强大的挣扎力从黑暗的角落散发出来..

啊!!是个小baby!他好像很辛苦,他的表情根本就配不上他的年纪。
躺在一个破旧的躺椅上,因为身体的不适,他的手脚没有停止地挣扎着。
怎么找,都找不到个舒服的姿势。
他很痛楚,为那莫名的痛苦感到懊恼..

他的存在,每个人都看在眼里,但他的痛苦,敷衍的人完全体会不到!

因为他们根本没想接近他的意思!

从我妈妈的口中得知,现在的他,应该有7岁了..
"吓!!怎么看不出来?!"他看起来顶多是一岁而已..! "
因为他一生出来就得了肌肉萎缩症。
他的身形,只有几个月宝宝的大小。
现在的他,应该是跟朋友们玩闹,上树下渠的年龄!

可是,事实上的他。每天的作息就是躺在躺椅上,他每天必须交的功课,就是痛楚地熬过每一天..
他,连哭的资格都没有..他试过张开大口,想嚎啕大哭!
希望哭了过后,能够好过一点..
但他没办法,也许是眼泪都被哭干了。
他,弄不出一滴眼泪.. 

他的妈妈就坐在相隔不远的桌子上,和朋友高谈阔论。
也许?他妈妈也没有办法了吧?
日子还是要过啊!
就在这个时候,一个哥哥走了过来,抽出了他那短短的几分钟,靠近了他..
蹲下了他那庞大的身躯。
那温柔的眼神,那粗糙的大手,轻轻地,缓缓地,抚摸着他那痛楚的小脸..
似乎告诉着他,别怕,你还有我..

这一刻,他是多么地放心,多么地安慰..
这,也许是他继续生存,又勇气挣扎下去的理由..

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

错!














“错”, 是每个人都会犯下的错误..
但,并非每个人都能很完整地面对,处理自己,甚至他人的过错。
有些人错了,可以很正面地面对自己所犯下的错误,并设法解决;
但有些人错了,试着想解决,也许是方式用得不太妥当,结果越弄就越糟! 
也有些人,根本不想去面对问题.。"没办法啊!我天生就比人家笨.."(这种人最讨打!!)
还有些人,错了没察觉,还自以为是的容许自己一错再错!
更有些人,因为承受不了打击,无法原谅自己,面对自己,选择自寻短见..

每个人都会说:"何苦呢?" 究竟何苦呢..?
到底是死前痛苦,还是死后的苦,谁能揭晓??
就算再大的问题,只要有心去解决,不就得了吗??有什么事是不能解决的呢?" 
说倒容易.. 能很正面地面对问题,当然是最好的办法。但,这句话是好是坏,还得以个人情况而定.. 

对,有心的确有办法解决问题.。
但,如果一个人的心都被打碎了,还有办法正常的操作吗??
如果我说我有惨不忍睹的过去,你..相信吗??
说真的,我真的很糟糕..什么错误的发生,都有我的份..
做坏人,做小丑,排在第一的永远都是我..

身边的每个事物,没有一件是做得好的..
也许我不够知足??只要我的情绪一司号命令,我就有本事把一个可爱的家搞得鸡犬不宁。

我曾经叛逆过..但最痛苦的不是我,而是那些受罪的家人.. 
我妈咪每次都绝望,含泪地问道:"你不是学佛的吗??怎么越学越不象话呢?
早在那个时候,我很清楚自己已经做错了..但,我不知该怎么去面对.怎么放下那些该死的自尊..对大家说声:"对不起,我错了.."

每当我在众人面前嚎啕大哭的时候,独自躲在角落哭泣的永远是妈咪..
也有过我一哭,全家上下也跟着哭了..
那种感觉,无法形容.. 

这几年,我重新考虑这个问题"学佛,真的越学越坏吗??" 
我哥是酱,我也如此,现在连我妹也犯同一个错.. 

我妈的心,早已四分五裂了..
我承认,学佛之前,我没勇气做出那么荒妙的事..

其实,学佛是培养我们的感恩心,慈悲心;根本没要求我们做出些对不起自己,对不起他人的事..
真的很幸运,我们有机会参加大大小小的生活营好让所学习到的佛法能实践在现实生活中。

因此,从"任人摆布"的营员,升级到"忙到半死"的筹委;到"呼之则来,挥之则去"的工委;还有责任重大的辅导员。
我都很幸运地"点"到了一点.. 

在生活营里,我学会了怎样去面对各种人,如何跟他人沟通,配合,生活在一起..
甚至上台,带动上百人.除了还有些小紧张之外。自信上应该没什么问题..

我也带了些人生道理"回家"..
但,我也因为自己拥有"多”他人那么一点的小道理和自信,就开始自以为是起来。
把自己放在中心点上,什么东西只有我是对的!
只接受他人的迁就,根本没有我迁就他人的存在!

"I could be your good friend but your bad enemy",这就是我当时持有的座右铭。
因此,我可以跟任何人很好;但只要一被得罪..我将会毫无理智地修理你!

我的行为,完全被我的一时之气给控制住了。
什么不该的,什么过分的,我都做得出来..
就是因为那些莫名的自信我就这样自以为是地带着那些可笑的自创道理,在愚蠢到了极点的无知驱赶下,我"容许"自己放肆地做了一些无法祢补的错误。

我可以比动物还要无知,比飞禽走兽还来得恐怖!到了最后,受伤的会是谁? 
我的"恶行"渐渐的传开了..
他们,因为这些令人啼笑皆非的事件,开始害怕面对我,慢慢地逃避;然后又开怀地在背后讥笑我的不是..

不实的谣言,也这样的传了出来..他们非把我当"动物"不可吗??
我不想解释,因为他们都认为大人说的,永远是对的..

再说,做错的是你,谁叫你要留黑锅底呢?
"现在只是给你多背个个错误,没什么的.."
反正你都不错也错了..

千万别再惹事上身!!因为错的人,永远是你!!
谁叫你名誉扫地了呢?还有谁愿意相信你??(有时人们其实跟明星没什么两样)他们(狗仔对和外局人)恨不得把你的错误越放越大,酱才有笑点嘛!

他们的话题永远胜过你个人的名誉..要面对自己的错误,别人的闲言闲语,还要承担不实的谣言..
然后,每个人都会因为这些谣言而停止跟你来往。

怕的是什么?
一,你可能就是所说的那样。
二,害怕惹麻烦上身,备受牵连..被全世界人误会,嫌弃的感觉,没有一天是好受的!

唯独妈咪,从未对我做出那么残忍的事。
她选择是一次又一次的原谅.以前的她,最疼的就是我了!
因为我跟她很相像.都很会睡,很爱血拼!喜欢唱歌,跳舞..
小时候我也是家里最爱美,最漂亮,最瘦的一个..
虽然我很直,是也说,不是也讲的,偶尔会说些不中听的话,得罪到了人。
但至少那时的我是没有烦恼,没有心事的!

我也不爱撒谎,因为总觉得小孩子说谎一定会被大人看出来.这种又丢脸,又损形象的事,我才不干咧!她很喜欢帮我打扮,总爱买些漂亮又名牌的衣服给我。

她除了嫌我吵(因为我实在太爱讲话了),我们母女俩,相处不曾出现过问题!
但,以前,毕竟是以前..
那么多事情的发生,那么多痛苦的经历..已经证明了,我,不能再像以前那么单纯了..

很安慰的是,现在最让她期望,最疼爱的,依然是我。
兜了那么大的一圈,最得承受的是她;最痛苦的也是她..
但她对我,始终如一.. 

虽然我的苦衷,别人不打算体谅;虽然我的过错,别人不选择谅解。
但,我希望,在我下次做出那么无知的事之前,能够因为有个那么爱我的妈咪而多去想想..
我失去的已经够多了..如果妈咪也不理我的话。我想在签完器官捐献书后,就不在这人间打滚了吧?? 

知错能改的确是件好事。
但千万别以为错了,哭了,改了,就不会再有问题..
你犯的错,不是每个人都能理解你的苦衷,都能体谅你的过错,理所当然地再给你机会面对,时间去改过..

如果你犯的错严重牵涉到他人的话,更别说是原谅了..
失去,就是失去了.. 
在决定事情之前,希望能三思,思虑到现在,考虑到未来,顾虑到后果。
如果真的犯了,也得拿出该有的勇气去面对,试着找出最好的方式来解决。

你要清楚的知道,世界不会因为你一个人的伤心而停止作息! 虽然

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