such thing as love at first sight?

Handsome guys that keep starring at you, the most they can do is appreciating you AT THAT MOMENT

-end of the story-

Chap 3: everything that happen, is serving purpose

Sigh! I couldn't collect back my laundry in time =/

and i got so pissed off until it affect my mood throughout the day.

sometimes things just not working in the way that i want it to.

life is too hard to control.

I want Dr. Hera as my thesis supervisor caz i like the way she work with things and i can anticipate that i can learn a lot under her supervision. I want Health Psychology as my thesis topic. I want to do something about body image or eating behavior. I am so into it; yet i am not given a chance for that; or maybe chance was there but i let it pass through due to some unanticipated mistakes ='(

As what Dr. Hera said, 'everything is there, serving a purpose'. And my friend also telling me the same thing: "Something happened, for you to experience it".

So yea, I need to start seeing things in this way.

Whenever something hits me, it's bring something to my life and telling me that I need to experience it. Either I like it or not; I still need to go through it; so from there I can get to experience new thing then only I have more options to choose from.

Hence, I shouldn't piss off easily because of the small thing that doesn't goes the way I want it to be. Sometimes surprise is meant to be there to inspire us; sometimes one small thing can just change the entire of our life. We never know.

Therefore, we should welcome anything that come into our life with arms widely open, as we are meant to experience it.

Do not afraid of losing things caz we are still young. We have long way to go and most importantly, we get to choose :)

Chap 2: be happy with sadness

As usual, my friend and I were sharing our future plan and chit chat about life during lunch session.

" I am sad leaving my husband to go New Zealand alone but i guess it would be good for all parties". "So yea, be happy with the sadness". She said.

"Did you just say to be happy with sadness? How can it possibly be??" I asked confusingly, for the sudden phrase that popped out from her mouth.

This phrase keeps playing in my mind and a lot of things were flashing through.

Firstly, I think of a friend of mine.

Remembered when I was young, I requested a best friend from God.

"I need a twins that can share everything with me; unfortunately i have none; but i beg you God please give me at least one best friend that I can share my joy and sadness all the time." God seem to hear my prays and gave me one; but i ruined it. Now that I have realized and I promise myself to get it back and appreciate what God had give.

Secondly, I recall back my University life. I keep saying that I am surviving a life rather than living a life. I have extreme low self esteem and my mood fluctuate with everything that people have said. I blame myself; I am afraid looking back to my past, and I am worried for my future.

Now God had send a girl into my life, to remind me how to be grateful of what i am having.

She is blur to the extreme, yet I felt that she is kind of cute. She can be that quiet when I need to concentrate in my study; and she can be that annoying when I am lonely :)

She came oversea to study in KL, and living a life over here doesn't seem easy for her.

1. She didn't get along with any course mates, hence she is having difficulty to get important updates for lecture.

As compare to me, I am glad that I get to meet some friends and those friends stay with me throughout the whole 3 years. Thanks to God, although we having totally different personality but we get along harmoniously. Most importantly, we do and achieve things together.

2. I am not sure whether she care but she went out shopping with friends while she knew that she got important tutorial to sign up and assignment due.

I used to be that blur like her and i am not so aware about the important things. Thanks to my friends, they are the one reminding me all the times. They did help me a lot especially when I need to compete for limited tutorial slots and register for certain subjects that capped. I am glad that they were so helpful to me and now i have learn to be a consciousness person.

3. She is now taking extra English course.

This remind me of my first year. Being the one that came without English background, I used to be so worried that I might need to take extra English course. Thanks to God that I am not request by University authority to take the course. And thanks a lot to my friends for correcting my grammar mistakes.

4. She seem slack.

Competing with students that got 12 A for SPM is stressful. My parents just hoping me to pass Degree but I pressure myself a lot to get my Degree with flying colors.

I am glad to be almost the same level with them and somehow getting better grade than them. But I did not feel contend. I felt that I could be better if I have stronger English proficiency; and I am down whenever they said: "see, she even do better than me".

Well, if i am comparing my current level with the previous me, I did improve a lot.

I can speak fluent English, and I am brave enough to ask and try from error. I prepare 120% for the 80%, so that I won't regret or blaming myself for low performance.

5. She is indecisive for her future and she has no thought on what she really into.

I knew that I was a headache and heartache for my mum when I was going against her will. I was so stubborn with my choice and I did not compromise on it. I been through a lot of hard time just to be responsible on the choice that I had made; but luckily it was a right decision and I am in the path pursuing what I want in life.

I grow mature now.

I know how to differentiate what is good for me as well as for others;

I know how to control my feeling, I know how to discipline myself;

i know what the life that i am looking for; i can see my future, i know that i have choice

If we're afraid means we got something to lose; if we're sad means we still enjoy happiness.

I need to learn being happy in the sadness because it means that I got more to go.

一段很特别的友情

我曾今有个很要好的朋友，我们之间的友情，直到现在还解释不了

可以说是一段缘分，很奇妙的缘分。。

我和她在一起，是无比地自在，是出奇地幸运，是那么的无厘头，是那么的让人上瘾。。

直到现在她还是我唯一天天想黏在一起生活的人!

我们俩来自不同世界；我们俩有着很极端的性格。

她说我大小姐爱耍大牌；我觉得她太自我爱闹脾气

但我们俩却有很多共同之处。我想这是我们可以那么要好的原因

我们爱的东西太多太多了！high tea，Coffee Bean，pasta，pancake，甜甜圈，唱歌，旅游，沙滩，说心事等等

我们超爱手挽着手一起逛街;我喜欢帮她打扮，觉得她那慢半拍的表情很可爱（虽然有时会因为被她连累而气爆）

但我最爱的是我们俩在一起没隔膜的友谊，我们竟然可以透明般地向彼此表达自己的思绪

我们是朋友，真正的朋友

我身边很多人因为她的外表而不约而同的问了我同样的问题：

“你。。为什么有这样的朋友？”

外人不了解不要紧；但甚至我妈妈与姐妹都开口问我同样的一句话

我知道我是时候向我的那颗疑惑的心问个明白，再给我的头脑一个清醒的交代

其实在决定和她当一辈子的朋友之前我犹豫了好久。。

当我得空时，她永远不是我第一个想约的对象；

当我有心事时，我从来没想过向她哭诉。。

我也曾今是那么现实的一个人

但过后种种的原因，我看到了她在我生命中扮演的一个角色

我也开始认了这份上天赐给我那真挚友谊

我们，是注定的朋友

然而，我却选择断了这份难得的友谊。。

她怪我太现实，我认了

其实没有她的日子我非常的怀念

我很久没有疯狂了；我很久没办法自我了

我们之间有着很多的梦想，很多的承诺；

很遗憾的，没办法一起完成

不是没有试过；但过后才发现，她是改不了的那个她；

毕竟我们处于两个不同世界，

要她为我改变，我太自私；要我为她而向世界低头，我太无知

我有我的梦想，也有要和她一起完成的梦想

但才发现我太贪心了，最后会是两头不到岸

所以我因为前者而选择放弃了后者

heart health

I found myself falling in love with Dr. Hera again!!

After taking Health Psychology with her last semester and now I am taking Psychology of Eating with her! I am glad to have the opportunity to learn from her again.

I just love the subjects, the combination of the course structure, assignments and most importantly the lecturer. When she was giving her lecture today, I feel so emotional attach to every detail she said and my eyes shine with hope! It's like i can see my future, i know what's getting me so passionate - the healthy life.

I want to know more about the healthy life, what the advice or recommendation available, explore the reasons why keep people away from staying a healthy lifestyle and implement the strategies for a healthy lifestyle.

And one of the assignment is Food Diary, it's some sort of diary that recording down everything that we have eaten throughout the day, calculating the calories of it, and reporting our feeling when consuming the food.

Although it needed high discipline and commitment to record it all the times (and our family and friends might just think we are going insane keep writing everytime we eat); but it sound interesting! i can't wait to start the assignment and i'd love to see how my eating pattern is.

If you feel excited for me too, don't worry, i will post up the result after this sem and share with you my thoughts of it. If you feel like trying that too i can teach you how to do and we do it together, k? :D

I cannot live my life FOR you; and i can barely live my life WITH you

Again, i would like to apologize if i am saying this either too late or too early.
As what i've mentioned in my Facebook profile. I am single but not available. I said it, and I meant it. I would like to explain in details over here as for your concerns.

I'd hope this message is not too late to get to you, as I do not wish to see anyone hurting so much after everything has taken place.

It's not my style letting someone waiting for me for a relationship that i think is impossible. I won't keep as many admires with me by giving them vague answers and letting them wasting their time waiting for nothing. It's simply not fair for the guy.

I never involve in any love relationship before and i am not planning to do it just yet.

Quite a lot of my friends were desperately seeking for THE ONE and even set "expiry date" for themselves (like bread); and every time they ask me: "How about you?" I will replied them: "I'd love to chase for my dream, first".

Yes, I am so selfish being a dream chaser.
I have a list of things to do in my life, by my OWN, for my OWN good.
I do not have commitment and i see it as unnecessary.

"And why do you come and 'flirt' with me at the first place?" You might have wondered.
I am sorry if i am sending any misleading message.
Simple explanations:
1. I am a normal human and i need companions.
2. I am a normal female and i do interested in male.
3. If i am seeing you as a worthy person to friend with; or if i am interested in some parts of your attitude or behavior. I won't be stingy to express it; and I do not even mind to take my initiative to talk to you.
4. I am a girl, still. I can be that imperfect sometimes or most of the time. I might need someone to protect me when i am vulnerable; i might need someone to talk to me when i am stress or depress. I just need somebody.

I am delighted by the way you appreciate me; I am appreciating the way you spend your time to answer all those rubbish questions that i've thrown to you; and I am so glad that you being so honest to me.

I am not sure whether i am the one you're looking for; what i am sure is that i am not the one you're waiting for.

Again, i deeply apologize for any. But i would love to maintain the friendship with you, as i know you have the good qualities that i am looking for.

Chap 1: Alert! Problem detected

I want to enjoy Farmhouse Omega Low Fat Milk every morning; not simply taking Dutch Lady Full Cream milk as my breakfast.

I want my self made yogurt fruit salad made of seedless grapes, baby tomatoes, chopped apples and banana mix with yogurt; not take away fruit salad from Pizza Hut salad bar.

I want seedless purple grapes from Cold Storage; not rotten low quality green grapes from Giant.

When i am pretty, i hope handsome hot guy appreciating my beauty; instead of bumping into foreign workers who keep staring and trying to take advantage!

I upset easily when i realized my perfect plan with perfect calculation and estimation was simply ruined by some stupid foolish person.

Yesterday my mum remind me about my misbehavior, and she said: "Aren't psychology students suppose to posses higher EQ?" " But how come you can be so emotional when things not working that way?" "Don't you know you look horrible when you're moody and it will scare your friends away from you!"

And a friend of mine told me that: "Perfect is boring".

My whole life is about striving for perfection. And i set my life goal as *Always finds REASONS for others but never allow any EXCUSE for myself*.

Seem like i got it totally wrong :(

Today, I found this book in the library.

HOW TO STOP CHASING PERFECTION AND START LIVING A RICHER, HAPPIER LIFE.

I think God is trying to make me understand what's making me suffer, why do i always do without realizing, and how can i get rid of it. Yes, I got a lot more to learn

Chapter 1: Accepting failure

Chapter 2: Accepting emotion

Chapter 4: Accepting reality

Until today only i realized the perfection that i always looking for - is a MISTAKE that i should get rid of.

Maybe perfect is nothing, maybe it's just boring. I don't know.

What i know is my urge to read this book, exploring my own problem and learn to start an optimal life.

Sport: Basketball Match in Port Dickson

On 27th December I suddenly get a phone calls from friends inviting my friend and I to help out with statistic for international high school basketball tournament in Port Dickson. I was shock and unprepared for that and i got a bloody scold from my mum before i depart.

"What can basketball contribute to your future? she throw me a realistic question frustratingly.

Suddenly that thought provoked to me. "So what's can basketball offer to me?" I can't seem to answer her question and this question has actually bothered me for the next coming days.

After the match has been over. Now i seem to figure out why i love watching basketball match so much, without me being conscious for any valid reason.

1st, actually i love to see guys hanging around with each other. The way they deal with their friends can be just so easy with simply pure fun. I am lack of guy friends and i always has the natural tendency to stick with girl friends more (well, can say most of them are quite sensitive at times and a lot of technique been playing around as to get what they wanted; i might be one of the described; but somehow i guess i am just too tired to deal with these).

I feel so relax and found out that i am emotional involved with every single point gain from my favorite basketball player as well as their team. It was just so nice to shout and cheer for their glory moment. Sometimes i get to meet with some favorite players too and i guess it's rare opportunities ever in my life.

These few days, i am glad that i have the opportunity to watch nice match with few hot guys available. Somehow, i enjoy 'interacting' with them *blush*

• YUK CHAI team from Petaling Jaya

Player no. 8 - Choong Yu Bin

My 1st impression with him was when his 1st match with Woodgrove team. When the opponent team fault him, the cute impression he gave hinting the referee was just so cute! and yes, it attracted me =)

And when we're having buffet in hotel ballroom. I am not sure whether it's him intentionally or accidentally sitting right opposite me, hence, it creates more opportunity for us to interact with each other.

Plus, whenever he is in match, my eyes sight was like 90% starring at him; and his frequent look at me has been caught by me; then we both faster look away shyly. Guess what? I count and report the numbers of time our eyes intercept. Poor my friend, i guess she is annoyed by listening all these rubbish from me. haha

For me, Yu Bin is such a quiet and shy guy. I am kind of like him and i guess (at least i wish) he feel the same too. Although it's such a waste since we have not asking for any further contacts from each other; but i wish him all the best in his future ^.^

• Woodgrove team from Singapore

Player no. 4 - Wong Ye Xu

The 1st time i started to spot him was when i am passing a paper to him. I talked to him for awhile with English and realized he has nice voice with sexy body. The consequent match i am starring at him most of the time. He is kind of fast, furious and impulsive player; but his body size is just perfect especially when his sweat is sticking on his tanned looking skin. My goodness!

Player no. 7 - Pek Jia Rong

Jia Rong is same team with Ye Xu; and he is just right beside Ye Xu when i talking to him. Although i didn't really talk to him but i think i can recognize his physical appearance. Well, i can say he is quite a good leader in the team and he is very clam in leading the team especially in very critical moment. He shout most of the time ordering players in the court; but for me his voice sucks lol. And his body is not as attractive as Ye Xu; but his attitude kind of impressed me.

I know i am being very gatal and nonprofessional for playing dubious with the players. But i guess my heart can just be simply delighted by these. Since there is no harm doing this except the people beside me feel like fainting. But i guess i will still continue if any chance. It's just the way how i enjoy the match and how i please myself =)

So yea, no regrets for this trip and i know how to answer my mum next time when she question me "what can basketball offer".

Basketball gave me a lot of growing experiences and sweet memories. As long as i have the opportunity, i will go for it. There is no logical answer explaining my motivation but simply to please myself.

Life isn't fair

Somehow, or can say it most of the time, I tend to upset with myself and frustratingly question my own capability. I am so so hardworking compare to some others but they still can win me easily. I wonder.
Sometimes, i can hear hear the bottom of my heart whispering to me.


It said, yes, my friends are indeedly better English Proficiency than me. And that's would be a good reason explaining why i tried so hard but the best i can do was to be at the same levels with them despite winning them.


However, I should always remember that they are born English educated; and i'm not. And if comparing my current standards with the previous me, I've improved A LOT in these 2 university years. I was totally Chinese Educated and until my current literacy and writing skills, i consider not bad compare to others that were born the same as mine.


I believe everyone's life has somehow been destined. We are all good at certain things and that's what we called it TALENT.


My life is good but my bad habit is to always picking those unachievable "target" to compete with myself. I know i can never win them; but good thing is they actually motivate me to push myself above my own limit.


Here's one insight i recently get from watching one the talent shows -
One Million Star.


Other than enjoy being inspired by all sorts of good songs and learning some singing skills. I realized that i actually enjoy watching them 'growing & glowing'. This talent show is a learning process, the candidates are all surviving themselves on the stage and striving their very best to perform what they got.


But somehow when we can clearly sense how hard one work for their performance and yet their marks are still below some others high record performers that ldidn't ook much prepared. Here we started to question, how the judge actually evaluate? Do they bias on some "good candidates"? Or that's just limited things the "bad candidates" can give?


One dangerous thing is the schema is not well structured and not clearly showed. No one knows where the standard is and what would please the judges. Yes, judges are looking for surprise but what is it actually? And how good is good? How much is consider as perfect and not over?
Some concrete example please?


I had a friend saying: Life is like a movie. You are the one writing script of your life; while others are the one watching the show from you.


I interpret the message in this way:
first, there is no one but us, ourselves are the one that can fully control our life.


second, if we're scripting a movie that people want to watch then there is high probability that we can get favorable or being popular. But from what Oscars and Grammy Awards showed, there are still lots of deviate cases a success.

If we care so much on others' expectation or favor-ism in writing our life script, then we might find our mood fluctuates in accordance with others. That's how sometimesi felt so stupid fooling by others again and again.


third, people are just watching the 'result'. they do not care how much efforts you have putted in. In a way showing that is all superficial. So if we care about showing the superficial things then we will never get a chance to explore deeply on ourselves, seeking the happiness from the bottom of our heart and knowing what we really want in our life.


So yea, always remember what we want in life to prevent us deviate from the right path.
A little stressed is dessert; a little push is motivation. Take it as a good thing then it will helps us in achieving our life goal.

I gave you my heart

The suicide case of counting down in Facebook has successfully gain attention from all. Everyone is commenting, discussing and even starting all sorts of prevention trying to stop the next unwanted case to happen again.

First I wonder how it's affect Facebook? Make it more popular or other way round defaming it?

But one thing i can sure is, Facebook would be definitely more 'happening' as compare to before.

According to the responses, most of my friends scolding him for being immature for ending his precious life; blaming him for being stupid to sacrifice his life for a love that has gone; and some even ask him to rest in peace, claiming that everyone needs a God and what he lack in life is a God to guide him.

For me, suicide is not an action that would be blame on. Everyone has their rights to choose how to live and even ending their life. Worth it or not, is how they measure it themselves, not the thing u can simply evaluate and tell them what to do.

Still remembered the victim said: "Love is what i cannot afford to play".

So what love is?

Love and be loved is always easy to say but somehow hard to do.

How much love do we need? and how much is enough for others?

No one knows.

The hardest decision is always about weighting the give and the take.

I love you that much why can't you love me even once?

I gave you that much how can you never even look at me?

These questions always lead to doubt and insecure; and if it's not resolved. Things will just getting worse.

Anything can happen to a fragile heart; and how fast a broken heart can be fixed is totally depend on one's resiliency.

One should not take love as granted;

Love is not about getting without giving; because someday you might find them exhausting.

Love shouldn't be blind.

Love is not about giving to the only one and forgetting to get it back, remember your empty heart needs to be filled, too.

Love is everywhere from everyone. It's all about how you sense it from others and how can you contribute to make this world a little more lovable.

When you find yourselves suffocating, get a place with fresher air. Take in deep breath then plan your next step in life.

Nothing as impossible yet life is always hard for everyone.

Together we can make a difference.