Career part 2: Let go; Let's go

It was just few months after my previous post where I was excitedly talking about my current company;

now I am here heavyhearted-ly bringing in to an end.

Let Go

I sent in my resignation letter when my superior was on leave,

I knew it wasn't right but my company in future has not given me enough time to really plan for anything else.

I got a job offer from HSBC and i accepted the offer.

It was a long waited job, and yes, it was the first company I approached once I graduated

the future in that company sound really really promising

It was indeed a good offer, 

everyone is supporting me to pursue a better future there.

Yet, I am feeling bad

for not being able to commit long enough in my current company.

For all I believe professionalism is,

staying in one company long enough; serving with passion;

 getting to know bits and pieces of the company and thus contribute to the company.

It was such an heartache,

to see how dissapointed my superiors were when they received such a shocking news from me

They have been putted so much hopes on me, and before I realize, they have already plan the whole career pathway for me.

Sorry that only until today I came to know that I was once being appreciated. 

I would like to express my appreciation to those who really support me:

1. Ms. Tan, my working partner

She was a professional accountant,
her strength is to get everything perfectly done; while her weakness is intolerance towards inaccurate figure (accountant's occupational sickness, haha).

She is very task oriented while I am people oriented,

I like to talk and deal with people while she prefer to deal with figure and paper works

thus, we have this team work between us where she will get everything done and let me to convey the message to the related party.

Her ability was so much above what the company is paying her,

I am here hoping for all the best in her life

2. Steven, HR staff

Steven was one of the staffs that makes me felt very much appreciated.
He had putted in a lot of effort trying to show me how much I am being appreciated by fellow superior.
And he was the only one that approached me to concern about my feeling working for that company

Steven, I am really sorry if I've dragged you from the heaven to hell;

I am sorry if I've given so much hopes yet leaving without getting you prepared.

3. Principal

Principal, I am sorry that I am leaving.

I am not sure how much you rated on my performance;

but my evaluation for myself has never reach 40%,

I have no confidence working for you

Thank you so much for your tolerance,

for all I knew the time I spent at work is just giving you a double work
You've been nice and patient to me,
Thank you for what you've taught.

4. Kenny, HR manager that interviewed me and given me this job

Mr. Kenny, thank you for offering me a job at REAL

and it was so touch that you still welcome me 4 months after I rejected the company.

without you, I will have no work in the past few months.

without you, I will not have the chance to gain such experiences

5. Malar, Business Manager

Ms. Malar, thank you for being understandable. 

As what you said, I will not be stopped from searching for what I want in life;

and, the door is always open whenever I feel like coming back.

Thank you, I will take your words with me

Let’s Go

My decision to go for HSBC will be a total career transition from education line to the customer service.
I can't say for sure that this will suits me more than teaching

However, my objective is simple:
I just want to get into big company, explore and see what else I can do other than teaching

Yes, it may or may not suits me
but, never try, I will never know

I hope that while I am still young,
I can get to explore more instead of staying within my comfort zone

I'll like to have more options in my life,
I'll like it if I can get to choose my own future

Although for the time being, teaching is my passion and children are my love

But also I am open up to opportunity before I really get myself settled at this young age

God bless me and the people around me

Thank you 

how much did we actually paid for a lesson learnt?

How expensive have you ever paid for a lesson to learn?
How much one can posses, is exactly how much one can lose

According to my zordiac, this year will be a very tough year for me;
and in fact, life has already treated me hard enough for the past few months

Most of the unpleasant incidents that happened were highly related to money matter;
the most threatening is, it did not only cause a teeny weeny amount but a hell lot!

With all the alarming incidents,
I  have this urge to do some serious reflection so to figure out something that can help with my situation

At the meantime, I discover that:

When we find ourselves afraid of losing, means we have something to lose
The more we EARN; the more it is possibly to LOSE


I have few friends with me that has their very unique spending style,
which I would like to share with you over here

Friend A:
Basic salary:    average
Benefits:    can claim OT
Working hour: Long
Accumulated figure:     high
Financial support: extra from parents
 Spending style: Has budget, with financial supports from parents.
Therefore, she has no restriction buying anything she wants. Spend quite much.

Friend B:
Basic salary:    low
Benefits:    work near home (eat, transport, petro, socializing cost - almost none)
Working hour:    super long
Accumulated figure:    low
Financial support:    family
Spending style: Buy branded stuffs that has extremely exceed what she can earned. She claimed that she was  too stressed and has no other entertainment, therefore, through buying she can seem to balance up the hard work she has putted in for her work

     Friend C:
Basic salary:   high
Benefits:    family business (eat, transport, petro, - almost none)
Working hour: Super long
Accumulated figure:     high
Financial support: no
 Spending style: Has no break in the weekend & holiday, thus not much time and energy to spend money.
Committed and spend big money investing on feng shui, taking care of her health and insurance; sometime buy branded stuffs

Me: 
Basic salary:   average
Benefits:    family support (eat, transport, petro, - none)
Working hour: short
Accumulated figure:    average
Financial support: family
 Spending style: Save half of my salary; buy branded but not often. Surveyed as I could and buy only the best one I think it is (if shopping with friends, salesman gonna hate me the most caz i always ask a lot but has lowest percentage of buying it HAHA).

I used to be rational consumer and always try to be;
until recently the influences among my friends and I become uncontrollably powerful

LESSON LEARNT:  Personal Belongingness 

A day after Christmas; and a day before I started my job,

I lost my phone.

Not so long ago, I buy myself a new phone;

but it charged me a bomb, despite how acceptable or unacceptable the charges is

Losing an old one is truly a heartache;

yet buying a new one is not as excited as it expected to be.
When we started to work, we started to earn a living.
Richness should not be judged according to the amount we earned; but how we manage our money

My friend had directly and indirectly influence me to buy something that cost big money
and one thing I realized:
we should not buy something because we have the budget to do so;
but simply refer to how necessarily it is to our life

LESSON LEARNT: Friendship

I am so glad that I had more than one gang of very close friends;

but now that they made me realized that,

no matter how trust-able they are; I can't bet my life on them,

caz they have no responsibility to take care of my life as theirs'. 

Close friends especially girls close friends have a lot of sharing and brainwashing among themselves

we so often share real life stories, opinion, and gossiping when we're together

at the same time, influences among us spread like a disaster,
it should be all stopped before it's getting worse

we spent money irrationally, we compete between one another for all the branded stuffs,
 and even judging how much the gifts we received from people around us.
We're all gone oh so materialism which we have lose all sense of money management
tell me, my dear friends. Do you really enjoy spending irrationally?

Before we get influenced and being manipulated so easily;
please always be reminded that we are and will be the only one to bear with all the consequences.
Are we still naively thinking that our friends will be that helpful to help us solving the problem as how 'helpful' they used to influence us?  no!

LESSON LEARNT: The more I talk about it, the bad it will be

"I had this thing that I talk too much
sometimes I just can't shut the hell up
It's like I need to tell someone, anyone who'll listen
and that's where I seem to fuck up"


"yeah, I forget about the consequences
for a minute there I lose my senses
and in the heat of the moment my mouth starts going
the words start flowing, oh"

Lyric: Nobody's Perfect by Jessie J

I should urge myself to change the way I talk,

something has just gone all wrong.

I am too much emphasized on the good thing I had;

while I am so cautious not to over share the information that is regards as not so pleasant

For all I knew that my friends will not like to hear everything that good about me;

it is boring, it has no big deal on them, they will lost their interest to feel happy for me all the time.

On the other hand, I should also learn to handle news that come under my expectation;
caz i have to know that: "there is nothing impossible to be lost; and there is nothing a must to be possessed"

In the year of 2012,
I should always take note that SIMPLICITY is everything,
I should not go hu-ha for anything big; and try not to have fancy expectation on my life

In the year of 2012,
If something good happens, be quietly happy for that and appreciate it;
If something bad hitting, remember not hold it too tight with me until it affect some other good things to come

So, why are we making life so difficult?

photo credits to https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150387943119702&set=p.10150387943119702&type=1&ref=nf

Career part 1: Delayed gratification

One day after Christmas, I lost my phone in a shopping mall

and here started the journey of my working life

All this while, 

I've been looking forward to live with my dream,

I would love if I can try any job that I feel like trying;

but it was a lot of obstacles and boundaries set by my mum

She wouldn't want me to work very far from home; 

She wouldn't allow me to work something that requires qualification below Degree graduates level;

She wouldn't like me to work for shift

Therefore my choice is really limited.

In a few months time, I only apply for:
(i) customer service at HSBC

(ii) Early Childhood teacher at REALKIDS;

(iii) Teaching assistant at Nexus International School; and

(iv) Sales & Planning Executive at Toshiba

4 months before, I've been hired by REALKIDS on the date I went for interview; unfortunately my mum wanted me to reject the offer due to the far distance

4 months later, I was desperately needing a job; and my mum had finally agreed me returning to them for a job

Thank goodness they still welcome me even I rejected them long ago

Few weeks after I started the job, Toshiba started to reply and offered me the position I've been applying for

The salary and remuneration are of course more promising than my current job

but then I rejected the offers from the reputed company

Although my current company cannot offer me good payment; but I am staying for my future

The company provides us a series of training and strongly encourage us to go for further studies,

They wouldn't mind to cover the training fees for us; they gave us the priority to attend training during working hours.

The GM is wise and far sighted, he had expanded his business to China decade ago; 

The staffs have been so generous to share any information and knowledge to us, regardless how committed we are to the company.

The company has given us variety of choices to plan for our own career pathway,

They have the reporting system for us to rate ourselves, as well as for them to evaluate on our progression.

Although, the start of my current job wasn't as pleasing as I expected it to

I lost my phone one day before I started working;

I couldn't get my own car as what my parents had promised me;

the salary and remuneration are not that promising
and maybe the good points I mentioned above are just same as what other companies can offer 

But I'm still willing to give it a try, maybe I was fated for this challenge 

I believe that: with all my patient and positive thinking, my day will come

and I do believe that one day, I would say this to myself:

I NEVER REGRET ACCEPTING THIS JOB AND NEVER REGRET REJECTING OTHERS

for now, I still couldn't determine whether this is a EARN or a LOSS
but I am so glad that I can have this chance to actually experience and learn Delayed Gratification 

I will no longer asking and wanting everything to fall into places perfectly as I want it to;
but with all the opportunity given, I am here trying my best

*Work hard and pray hard for my day to come*

Transition

I'd down for no reason;

till I've figured out that..

I'm not only weak in tolerating people;

I'm also not used to wait in uncertainty

Guess I have enjoyed too much of my carefree life back in college time;

I'd given so much of freedom to decide when to study, what to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner; and going out with friends without need to inform anyone else

but at the same time I'm tired, to bare everything by my own.

Despite enjoying life; safety and money matter are always the main worries

after I graduated, I moved back to my home decided to start living a life with my family; 

It's safer at home; everything was literally provided

Life should be simpler and thus happier.. "should be"..

but I wasn't really happy all this while 

yes, it seem like everything has been provided;

but i can't sense the happiness for the success of my hard work; there was no track of my sweat and pain

and there are too much of advises and directions given by different parties, which causing me confuse,

i can't just reject their opinion without thinking and trying it, it's rather impolite

therefore, I accept whatever advises, as long as it all came from their concerns,

I consider and try every single opportunity that I think might works

until I've totally forgot what I really like and want;

it's like I am turning round and round on the same spot, going neither here nor there

transition from independent into dependent;
for it I never know it is actually harder that I would ever thought

after all, I am actually having quite a lot of opinions about life,
after all, I am actually quite happy with the decision I previously made, despite how hard I should work for it

after all, being obedience is not as easy as just following whatever that people say;
you should know how to let go your own thoughts, and to be blind for your own feeling

if you're letting people deciding your life for you, then don't bother dreaming;
no one is responsible for your happiness; yet it's plainly impossible for someone to place your priority over theirs

I am spending so much of my time waiting for something to happen,

months it took me to wait for some small little thing to be confirmed; yet to be really confirmed

I do not know why but guess I was quite lucky that most of my records of going for an interview were being hired on the spot;

but maybe now i'm approaching a bigger corporation, a lot of times are needed for a single process to be proceed from this stage to another

To be frank, I am quite bored of waiting;

I can't be sure that the answer I'm waiting for is seriously being considered

I've too much of free time to spend,

for it is something that people eagerly asking for; but for me was totally a nightmare. this is pathetic

well, I can actually seek for other thing else to do in the mean time of waiting;
I could have a longer wish list than anyone else

yet, I am here doing nothing aside waiting;
totally freedom restricted by my parents

I have no one to blame;
I chose to return to them; and restriction of freedom should be expected

this period that named as transition

is another life lesson for me (i) to learn in the process while enjoying AND (ii) to prepare myself to bare the consequences of any outcome of my choice

but before that.. please let me cry
cry for myself that has lose my own will; cry for the sickening of waiting in uncertainty; cry for the regrets of betting my life on others' hand; cry for the inability to seek for my own happiness while I actually have the ability to do so

I have so much to cry of,
in the process called transition

————————————————————————————————————————
*updated on 29th Nov 2011*

哭了..没办法再忍受了

当初做的决定；单纯地以为一切将会很美好

没想到过程会是那么的辛苦

时间多得让人发慌，

我看不见我要的明天；美好的将来我不敢奢望

就连现在的我，都无法自救

同样的错误一犯再犯，

知道问题在哪里；

可是很痛心地我无法做出任何改变

在乎的人；不在乎的人，好像都帮不上什么忙

关心的人；不关心的人都没办法安慰我的失望

这似乎没什么。只是现在的我很害怕自己..做错了决定


————————————————————————————————————————
*updated on 16th December*

-Success is not final; failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts-

by Winston Churchill

I have faith in myself that I can succeed;

but doesn't means everyone should grant me the opportunity I want

Life is too complicated to be just right and wrong,

the world isn't turning around me; and neither do I need to turn myself around the world

Disappointment shall not bring me down; it should makes me stronger instead

be positive! keep my faith to myself. my dream will eventually comes true

走着走着，停下了脚步

一直在理性和感性间挣扎；
最后选择结束了那三个月的兼职

孙燕姿的《任性》，贴切地描述了整个过程

【喜欢听歌，感人的歌；它让我觉得，爱是对的】

最后一个求学时期，我如愿以偿地找到了一份喜爱的兼职。计划着毕业后方以继续...

工作的性质是唱歌，跳舞，和小孩子玩乐

那，不正是我梦寐以求的吗？

面试当天给老板唱了首《小星星》

老板好像很满意，提出了不错的待遇

给了她一个带着希望的眼神，我，快乐地开始了我的梦想

小顾客( 0-5 岁的小学生）真的好可爱! 他们的父母也好好噢!

围绕着他们，像足了他们的小粉丝。

为他们的可爱为之而疯狂；他们的一举一动，一个微笑，都足于让我尖叫～

太爱了..! 我...爱上了这里的一切...

【因为投入，所以放弃】

课程好不容易完成了。

我花了半个月的时间安排着留在这里工作的衣食住行；

但却用了半天的时间，改变了注意

因为 - 老板说的一句话

【人总是不能太容易感动；当爱失去自我，失去包容；只想要从混乱解脱】

老板的那句话，可能对她来说是理所当然；

但，这正是我一直以来困扰原因的所在

某些事情的发生，让我对自己失去了信心...

还以为我哪里做错了？几时无意的冒犯了其他人？

才发现这一切的一切，被老板操控着

她，限制了我们的想法；操控着我们的思绪；影响着我们的观点

从教课到柜台，清理到打扫；老板把员工当成了什么？

区区那千出的薪水；要他们吃草吗？

当爱失去了包容；人们就难以表现自我

就像到了天堂，发现少了天使

天堂再美再好；没有天使的灌溉

健全的种子也没法发芽

【寂寞很吵，我很安静；情绪很多，我很镇定】

总是对自己保持着那份自信，被他人狠狠的打碎...

才发现自己那高高的信心原来是那么的不堪一击

告诉着自己：‘不要紧，没人喜欢的，我自己来爱’

一直以来认为自己很擅长的，被他人批评到一文不值

我...真的那么差吗？还是这只是老板你为了自己的利益而控制着地一个局面？

我开始混乱了，也遗失在真实与现实里

情绪很多，疑问很多；

得到了答案，又能怎样？

但..很庆幸的，至少我搞清楚了你的底牌

你操控了一切，亲手毁了我的热情；

现在才试着挽留？会不会太晚了？

我拒绝成为你手上的一个傀儡

【喜欢唱歌，动人的歌；它让我获得一点心得；得不到，我就放掉；不去触碰到我的需要】

工作性质，顾客，和地点都让我很满意；
唯独老板态度太刻薄，给不到我未来

离开了这里，还是会害怕我没法找到比这里更好的地方；

我曾今爱上的，需要多久的时间才能放下？

但至少我相信，一定有着更好的生活，等着我...

最疼的疼是原谅，最黑的黑是绝望

昨天看了篇值得沉思的文章，上面写着：

-最疼最疼是原谅，最黑最黑是绝望-

这几天下来花了好多时间思考与计划着未来

还以为只要是我喜欢的，家人都会给予无限的支持与鼓励

妈妈问我：你喜欢这份工吗？

“我爱！” 我回答

但..生活往往都没想象中的美好

很多外在的因素都不得不让我去考虑

我爱这份工能带给我的未来与希望

但矛盾的人为因素往往让我止步

仿佛到了天堂；却发现少了天使

疼爱与黑暗就差那一线的距离

当发现曾今爱过的东西是不应该爱的时候

就得好好的反省问题的所在

是自身的问题？还是他人的态度刻薄？

一直努力找着坚持下去的理由
如果天时地利人和都不允许，再怎么不舍都得放弃

青春只有一次；但未来可以很多种
这一次，我不想这个决定是偏激的

NOT to be forgiven

There was one in a long time I cried when walking on the street;

knowing how suck my life actually is..

this is the 2nd time I struggled to control my tears rolling out from my eyes when i am crossing the road;

realizing that i actually have face problem

you just scolded me like that without thinking that you should have do that;

you just picked the right timing to wait someone join in so that you have your chance to embarrass me

you can correct me for my mistake;

but when you decided to correct it in that way at that timing

i felt dissapointed on you

your apologize isn't needed;

it wasn't your fault

 don't you feel bad about it;

but thank you for making me realized that i have face problem

one more staff leaving the workplace,

following 2 of the staffs that left with the reason of can't fitting in

i thought the one that left,

was the one that give up easily..

the one that chose to stay;

is the one that struggle to learn

i overheard the class conducted by her;

she struggled a lot to get herself fit in this job, caz she lack of a little potential on this

but today i found that she has some improvement;

while i am cheering for her improvement; she told me that she is leaving

why oh why everyone is leaving?

should i leave as well?

guess my face is thick enough to stay,

let everyone hurting me like nobody's business

struggling to stay isn't easy

you guys just make me feel like i am a cockroach

remember last time my sis shared her working life with me,

there's a staff in her office that doesn't seem to fit it

and she said:

"她就像蟑螂，你拼命的打，打，打，打到她扁扁...

然后她又长出来，你再继续打..."

someone can just be so hate-able like a cockroach

well, cockroach doesn't attack on people;

but people just find themselves hating cockroach so naturally

when you see a cockroach in front of you;

what will you do?

straight away grab something near you and go smack smack smack!

yes, it is disgusting to smack cockroach into dregs;

yes, it is cruel to kill the cockroach out of no fault

but i guess we're simply taking away a life just to make us feel GOOD

speaking on that,

is cockroach meant to be in this world?

it do no harm but bring no good;

so where should it be?

人生

我放下了一切该有的“优势”,告别了“温暖”;

向“智慧”老爷打了一份工,

刻苦耐劳赚取了些“人生经验”,

从此也跟“烦恼”打上了交道；

无意间当上了“奢侈”的奴隶，

也陷下了“华丽”的圈套，

打上了“忧虑”；但心里只有“真诚”