My Braces Journey

It has been long time (around 2 years) since I ever wanted to get my teeth braced.
I have all the thought and planning yet lack of one of the key step which is the action to do it.

One of the main reason I have been dragging for so long was because of my family issue.
My family always think that braces is inappropriate.
They have the mindset that natural is everything a human need.
Braces will not only cost a lot of time, money, pain; but it also lengthen a human face shape that it will looks longer and sharper.
In Chinese Feng Shui, a long and sharp face shape represent lack of prosperity.

My family disagreement indeed dragged my plan but not changed my mind.

At June 2015, I have been bringing this issue up with my life partner, Jeremy.

At the very beginning, his response was neutral.
He said that he doesn't think my teeth is crooked that I need a braces; he also mentioned that my teeth and my face shape are just nice that he sees no point for me to undergo some adjustment.
I acknowledged his point and I talked to him further about the reason and my thoughts that I wanted to go for braces.
He agreed on my point and he said that he will support my decision, either I choose to go brace my teeth or let it be natural.

I have then made my decision to go for braces.

On 15 July 2015, I have made an appointment for dental consultation. My mother went for the dental consultation with me.
During the session, she kept repeating to the orthodontic that there is no need for me to go for braces (which indirectly trying to influence the orthodontic to say that I do not need a braces).
The orthodontic analyse my condition by taking my mother's concerns into the explanation. She said that my case is not serious, and it is optional for me to go for braces. She roughly explained the cost, procedure and the length of treatment.
She let me make my decision, and if I have decided to go for the treatment I would need to schedule another appointment for X-Ray and braces mold.

(Price: Dental Consultation - RM30)

I have made another appointment for X-Ray and braces mold. I informed my mother on 21 July. She was shocked and sounds disappointing. "I thought you have cancel your plan to go for braces..." She said.

On 22 July 2015, around 1pm before I go for the appointment she called me. She threaten me: "You are already so old and now only you go for braces. If you are going for the braces, you no need to get married". After the call, I broke down to tears. How could she said that? She was the one who has been stopping me to go for braces. If she was being supportive enough I might have completed my braces treatment by now. And why is she threatening me with marriage?
But of course, I was scared and disturbed by what she said. I did not go for the dental appointment on that day.

I am full with self doubt and self blaming. I was trying to communicate with Jeremy; however, I feel like what he can do is just giving me so general statement like "It's like that de la.." "Either way I also support you"

I got mad and I refused to discuss or update him further regarding this. He sensed that I wasn't happy and disturbed. He was being concerned of my feeling yet I chose to keep it with myself.

Until one day that I have broke down to tears. He comfort me and convinced me that I can go for braces if I want, he sees more advantage as compare to disadvantage for me to go for braces. He has then repeated himself that he will support me no matter how. He has also decided to talk to my mother on my behalf. For our marriage, he said he can wait for me but at the same time, we can work towards it. Caz marriage does not happen with just a few days time but taken years to work on to it.
I feel relieved.

1 August 2015, he talked to my mother before we go for the braces appointment. He managed to convinced my mother and we went for the appointment. On that day, I went for X-Ray and get my braces mold done.

(Price: X-Ray and braces mold - RM300)
(Duration of the treatment: less than 15 minutes for X-Ray; less than 30 minutes for braces mold)

Next appointment was 1 week after, 8 August 2015 where I extracted two tooth. The fourth tooth counting from the middle tooth, each side.

(Price: simple tooth extraction - RM80 each)
(Duration of the treatment for simple extraction: around 10 minutes of waiting after injection of anesthetic; orthodontic loosens the tooth with [elevator] and use [forceps] to remove the tooth - less than 5 minutes)

After the tooth extraction, it was painful and very disturbing to eat. The first two days, the extraction wound was painful and the remaining days I was suffering with the pain at the tooth besides the extracted tooth.
I was under pain killer for 4 days until I finished the pain killer prescribed by the orthodontic. I then approached my company in-house clinic for another 20 tablets of pain killer just in case. I took one tablet of the pain killer from the in-house clinic and I find my hands are itchy. The itchiness stays for 5 days or more.
I talked to my mother about the issue. My mother suspect that it might be sensitive tooth which causing the pain. She asked me to brush my teeth with sensitive care toothpaste and apply a little of the toothpaste around the affected tooth before I sleep.
I followed the same and the next day I find that the pain subsides. I have stopped taking pain killer since then.

For normal case where 4 tooth extraction is needed, the orthodontic will extract 2 tooth from one side; and extract another 2 tooth from another side in the following treatment.
But for my case, as so far only 2 tooth extraction (both from the upper teeth) is required, the orthodontic has extracted 2 tooth each side from the upper teeth. This has caused some difficulties for me to eat.
The day after the tooth extraction, I have been eating liquid food (ie porridge, milo, oats, red bean soup) for four days. After that, I have started to take soft food such as noodle, breads, and rice. As there's hole at the tooth extracted side, I find it disturbing to eat small food such as mee hoon or rice as it might tends to stuck at the holes which causing minor pain.

The next Saturday, 15 August 2015 was the day I put on the braces for my upper teeth.
I was suppose to go for the appointment with Jeremy but he has to go for meeting vacation which was planned long time ago. He asked if I can wait until he come back from his meeting vacation then he will bring me for braces.
I felt very disturbing with two missing tooth and I feel like I should have go and get my braces done without dragging further. I talked to him that my mother will be going for the appointment with me and my brother will be fetching us there. He was okay with it.

I went for the appointment with my mother accompany me by my side during the treatment. During the treatment, my mother has raised a lot of questions to the orthodontic regarding braces and teeth related issue; but those questions have got nothing to do with my case (she asked about the orthodontic's opinion for my sisters's teeth condition and implantation for her own teeth). The orthodontic explained patiently but I felt like the orthodontic was distracted during the treatment by 'busying' answering the questions my mother asked.
Within one hour, the braces for my upper teeth has complete. I did't feel any pain.
The orthodontic claimed that I might feel the pain on the second or third day. And she said that pain killer is not required for this kind of treatment. I insisted that she prescribe me the pain killer just in case. She prescribed me the pain killer as per requested.

My braces is made of clear ceramic brackets and a thin metal archwire.

(Price: deposit of braces for upper teeth: RM1000; clear ceramic blocks - RM1500)
(Duration of the treatment for upper teeth:
1. Before the braces are fitted, the teeth was cleaned and conditioned - 10 minutes
2. Brackets glued to the teeth - 30 minutes 
3. Connecting the brackets with thin archwire - less than 10 minutes

Having braces on your teeth is like taking care of a baby.
"They" (braces) can be annoying but they are part of you; and you know you are the only key person to take good care of it.

During the treatment, you might face some difficulties as below:
(i) discomfort the braces causes on your teeth particularly;
(ii) lack of enjoyment for the food you take (regardless how tasty the food is)
(iii) a lot more time spend on choosing the food you can take (avoid hard food or sticky food)
(iv) a lot more time required for you to finish a plate of food (as you may need to cut the food into smaller pieces)
(ii) a lot more time spend on your teeth brushing routine (I need roughly 30 minutes to clean my teeth)

Below is the braces starter kit provided by my orthodontic.

Progression:

1st month: Put the braces for upper teeth

2nd month: Add on the braces for lower teeth

3rd month: Change the wire for the upper teeth

the wall she builds came tumbling down

There was once,

a girl who is well protected and let chasing for whatever she wants in life

She dares to dream,

and have her life planned accordingly

Her eyes sparked with hopes,

Her head overloaded with hell lots of crazy ideas.

She just can’t wait,

To start the life that she wanted.

**********************************

Just when she decided to step out from her comfort zone.

The world out there, doesn’t seem the same as she expected

Walking through the journey called life; it wasn’t easy.

She brings no weapon to attack; wears no armor to defense

She was true to people;

but some regards her as untrue     

She was excited and curious;

but then people think that she is overly excited and knowing too much and unnecessary

**********************************

She then learns that, maybe, she should get a little bit humble and matures;

 By trying to talk less and let others speak instead

But then people come questioning and whispering in doubts:

 “Are you trying to hide something by not telling?” “That is not good, you should have known”

When the opposite effect has taken it’s place;

she realized that she just can’t please anyone, including herself

The wall of “attitude” that she has build came tumbling down

Yet there is nothing much can be done

And there goes, another construction has begun

Broken pieces, i am slowly picking 'em up

During my University time,

I am blessed that i am being exposed enough, to determine what my career path would be like

As I always think that I am good in teaching and working with children will lead me to a carefree and  happiness life

I taught I would be teaching, for the rest of my life

But, I have never taught that:

I've given up something that I passionate about, so easily

It was just few months after I graduated;

As planned, I started off my working life with few job attempts in Early Childhood field

Although the working life was carefree and happy;

However, other than two of the captioned above, a fresh graduate with big dream

can merely survive in the particular field

By accepting the truth that: 'being involved in Early Childhood basically can't guarantee you a promising future'

I left Early Childhood with heavy heart

My dream was broken,

and I am totally clueless in term of resetting my career pathway

For all this while, I have been, and only think that:

I will teach for the rest of my life (that's it)

I have never taught of the day,

where teaching, is no longer in my career list

At the same time,

I had an offer from a bank

Without a second taught,

I accept the job offer

Transition from Early Childhood to Bank Corporation was though

In fact, it has been really really tough on me

With zero banking experiences and no Finance / Business background

I am drown in the sea with boring figures, annoying charges, and some business operation things that I have no idea about 

At first, I taught I have made my decision in rush,

which causes me self blame a lot about making such a bad decision dedicating myself to serve for a bank

But every time after I have been sent for a training or meeting;

I am being inspired.

After a very long time, I can finally find back the time where my eyes spark with hopes

I am also grateful to find out that, 

I, actually appreciate all the opportunities given / granted by my boss

Although things changed, unexpectedly.

And I know that a broken heart, cannot return to it's original shape.

But as long as I am granted with the ability to live

I will strive for the best in everything that I do 

Now that I've learned: nothing is guarantee.

Even for the things that I assumed or promised myself that I will be achieving it in no time

So, let's just not expect the same from others 

 things changed, unexpectedly, 

and what we can do is, accept it with a full heart and think of the possible ways

The broken pieces of my (previous) dream,

I am now, slowly picking 'em up

That just so much you can take

Went for a dinner with friend,

ordered two champagne, alcohol content as high as 14%.

Not even half glass finished -

suddenly I lost my hearing, the lights dimmed, then I lost contact with the surrounding.

"I need to go toilet" That's the only thing I can think of. 

I stood up, grabbed my bag, walked to the toilet.

The time I opened my eyes.

realized myself sitting on the floor half way heading to the toilet.

Waiters surrounded me whispering: "ms, are you okay?"

I know I was't okay.

I stood up, half sober, continued my "journey" to the toilet.

Reached the toilet, without me having a chance to close the toilet door. I passed out the second time

This time I open my eyes, saw people passing by throwing me a weird stare.

without a second thought, I close the door and continue resting in the toilet

yes, I was sitting on the floor near to the toilet seat

but I couldn't care whether there's water or anything dirty on the place I sit

What I know is: toilet, is the best place you can find when you are drunk

you can basically just take your time to rest without having to think on anything else

It is not as noisy and crowded as compare to the public area,

as you neither need to worry about embarrass yourself by throwing out in front of the crowd nor you need to "layan" them when they come and ask whether you're okay

What comes best is: The toilet bowl is right besides you!

anything you feel like throwing up, that's the best you can EVER find!

After drinking a lot of water, took some rest and 2 pukes

I drove back home. 

This is the 2nd times I got drunk,

 and this time is the worst.

My butt is painful, I must fell hard just now when I passed out

the miserable part is, I think of him. 

到不了

当同样的过错 再次地发生；

才愕然地察觉我们之间隐藏着一根刺

都怪我们当时太沉溺于两人的世界，

才忘了怎样去坦然地面对问题的所在

如今同样的问题再度降临，

我知道我们不应该再逃避；而须坦然地面对

虽然你的话只说一半；

但我却很清楚地明白，是你放不下你的过去

但如果你用你的过去来衡量我们之间的未来；

那，对我是否公平？

我不会怪你，

也许是我不够好，

陪在你身边两年的我；却一点也不了解你

也许我没有那样的魅力，

让你可以为了我，舍弃你的过去

也许我不及以你的信任，

让你可以很放心地跟我在一起

但我还是尊重你的选择，

由你来决定我们的将来

我想给你一个自由的空间，

去寻找你心里的要的那个答案

两年前，我因为你的情伤而开始走进你的世界；

因为同情，而插手你的人生

两年后的我们，

却不知不觉地发觉我们已经一起走了那么漫长的一段路

最让我心痛的是，

我既然没有足够的份量，让你因为有我的存在，而忘掉悲伤

愚痴的我，

还自以为是的当作一切已成过去...

陪在你身边，还以为你就因此而不再寂寞；

不停地在你的身边打转，好让你不会再有闲情去回忆起那段不开心的回忆

但事实证明 - 我的存在，

并没有为你的世界带来些什么改变

思念越尝越苦 心跳乱了脚步
怎么我 读不懂你唇语之间的无助

就算用尽所有真心  却到不了你的心底
回忆难以靠近 你是我奢求的唯一

Love You You by 林俊杰

posted on 25 July 2012

如果我们彼此都不会是对方的将来；

那又何必花费那么多时间来维持着这段没有意义的感情？

我把决定权放在你手心里，

是因为我尊重你的决定

但我一直等，

却要不到一个满意的答案。

每当我狠下心要生气你时；

只要你一靠近我就没办法坚持自己的立场

我很努力地习惯着没有你的日子；

但怎么你却像迷了路的小狗，兜了个圈跟寻味道又回到了主人的身边？

你那无辜的样子，要我怎么忍心放下你一走了之？

但同时的我，也差点被你的敷衍给搞得快疯了

我的世界全都是你的影子，

因为我的眼中只有你一个

如果我们彼此没有未来，

我是多么的希望我们都能够放手好让对方可以去寻找自己要的幸福

“我决定放弃了”这话在我心里徘徊了很久；

但一直没办法狠下心做个了断

你带给了我那么多美好；

但如果这些美好都是虚构的，那我又何必奢想？

两年前，我们的开始就是一个错误

而此刻的我，有一股冲动想要把那些错误“不小心地”给抹杀掉

现在的我至少明白了这一点：

天使，付出了是不要求回报的，

因为天使不是人类

天使没有任何欲望，

不需要食物，金钱，爱情与亲情来过生活

天使，是一种美丽的信念，

听说是上帝派来人间的守护者

天使，只为一个人而存在着

而那个人，却不是它自己

现实

终于到了，一个名 <现实> 的世界

这城市的灯火，世界的喧哗

还很不习惯

这仿佛带我回到了两年前的那一场经历

华丽的外壳；虚有的内在

人类为了名利，金钱，和名气而奋不顾身的狼狈

在这里我找不到小孩的纯真；

只有互相利用与猜心的游戏

也对，毕竟这是一个属于 <大人> 的世界

在这里，第一次体验所谓的 "多样化"

不同年纪的人来至不同背景，为了同样的目的而聚在一起

生活因此而千变万化，起伏不定

其实也不能说不好，只是我需要寻找一个对的方式，去面对这一切

世界上总有着太多的人，来到你的世界，带给你不同的经历

是好是坏，全予我们用怎样的心态去面对

人人都带着面具，试图寻找那每个人都可以接受的笑容

有些人很吵，总想要向全世界述说自己有多好；

而有些人很神秘，把自己隐藏得很好

在这里，每天都有不同的剧情真实地上演着

尽管可爱或恶心，

我都细心观赏

因为，别人的故事，总是特别的精彩

我喜欢以旁观者的角度，去看待整个事情，

从别人的经历中学习

活在这样的一个世界里，我也很矛盾

这里不算太好，而不算坏

薪水高，福利佳

但往往需要以时间和健康来替换

尽管每天都在欢笑中度过

但狂欢后怎觉得最近少了些会心的微笑？

上司很好，也很风趣

但我总爱从他们身上寻找那圣人的影子

他们很强，什么都好

却欠缺了那一丝光芒，那让人有一股想改变这世界的冲动

说真的，我还算得上幸运

曾经遇上几个近乎完美的人类

但很可悲的，

自从离开了他们，我再也找不到相近的同类

在这里，其实我适应得很好，虽然还有些不习惯（哈！）

生活在这个世界上，我勇敢了一些

因为再也没有人，理所当然地保护着我

生活在这个世界上，我独立了一些

因为再也没有人，时时刻刻提醒着我什么时候该做哪些事情

生活在这个世界上，我肤浅了一些

因为这是他们相处的一种方式，我应当配合

生活在这个世界上，我学会了体贴

毕竟在这样的战场上战斗太久，人们会因此而感到疲惫

生活在这个世界上，我学会了迁就

因为我不想我的无理取闹而加重他人的负担

生活在这个世界上，我学会了放松

我很努力地去改掉我对任何事都很执着的态度

体验着一百八十度的生活转变

我仿佛听到了心里的那把声音

梦想可能没法赚钱；

但现实不宜久留

生活在现实里，

我要谨记当初的目的

当一切都安顿好，

我就可以，放心地奔向我要的未来！

You have something and you are hiding

You have something and you are hiding,

regardless of the reasons;

you know that I will always respect your decision

Start from today, I'll not proactively say a thing,

I will not let myself feel a thing, whatever that might be related,

 I'm sorry if this is the time you think I should be doing the other way round

I'd rather take my time, 

to make myself a better person.

To really invest, 

and have some real return

Uncle, you're so so so so so cute! ♥

I always like to have some psychological test on him. Caz i know he will never say no and his answer always bring me sweet surprises. And one more thing.. I realize he grows cuter these days! super love that!!

Here's started our test:

Y: Can I play a test with you?
B: Yes, bring it on

Y: YAY! Okay, let's imagine.. When you go to a jungle, you saw an old cottage house. Do you see the door,
1. Open
2. Close

B: Open
[Answer: if the door is opened, which mean you are willing to share everything with others; close simply means that you willing to do the things by your own]

Y: Okay, when you get into the house. You then saw a table. What's the shape of the table
1. Round
2. Oval
3. Square
4. Rectangle
5. Triangle

B: Round
[Round / oval - always have friends with you, and you trusted them;
square / rectangle - picky when choosing friends, takes longer time to make friends;
traingle - not much friends because you are being very demanding to your friends]

Y: Okay, now, on the table there is a vase. How full the water level is, in the vase
1. Full
2. Half
3. Empty

B: Full
[Empty - you're unsatisfied towards your life
Half - your life is only reaching half of your ideal life
Full - you're totally satisfied with your life]

Y: Okay, so what's the vase made from?

B: Clay
(he straight answered before I can give him the options)

Y: 1. glass / ceramic / clay
Ei! I haven't giving you the options! How can you just answered like that!

B: Haha

Y: 2. Gold / Plastic / wooden

(he waited for me to finish typing then only he said: )
B: 1. clay
[Glass / ceramic / clay - you need someone to take care of you in your life;
Gold / plastic / wooden - you're a fighter in life. you have very tough surviving skill]

Y: good.. that's my good boy :)
Okay, now. You have already get out from the house, and you're now heading to a water fall. How you think the speed of the waterfall is? 1-10, give me a number

B: 1
[0: No sexual urge
1-4: Low sexual urge
5: Average
6-9: Strong sexual urge
10: wasai! you cannot live without sex!

Y: Okay. After awhile, you pass through the waterfall; and you saw something shinning on the ground!
It's a chain of keys. how many keys inside the chain have you picked it up? 1-10

B: 10
[1: You have 1 friend in your life;
2-5: You have few friends in your life;
6-10: You have a lot of friends in your life]

Y: Okay, then you continue walking, trying to find your way out. And you saw a castle, what you think the castle is like?
1. old
2. new

B: Old
[Old - You have unpleasant past or memory;
New - you used to have a happy memory in your life]

Y: When you get into the castle, you then saw a swimming pool. You see something shinning on the ground, there's coins on the ground. Will you pick it up?

B: No.
[Yes: When your partner is with you, you will still go flirting around;
No: When you have partner with you, you will spend every effort with him or her]

Y: Okay, then you continue walking. And you saw another swimming pool with diamonds on the ground. Will you pick it up?

B: Swimming pool got water or not? haha
(so, what's now? need more info for his imagination? or he is to confirm for something?)

Y: LOL! you still need details to imagine it.. lemme see.. yes! there'e water

B: Okay, not going to pick it

[Yes: When your partner is not with you, you will still strat flirting around;
No: When you have partner is not with you, you will still loyal to him or her]

Y: why?

B: I lazy to get wet
(u're lazy at the right place! good! can keep like this forever? Just don't..get wet. haha!)

Y: HAHAHA! I like that!!! Super love that!!
Okay, now you continue walking, and you pass by a garden. And there's a box over there. What's the size of the box?
1. small
2. medium
3. big

B: Medium

[small: you're happy go lucky type
medium: you tend to self blame;
big: you self blame a lot]

Y: What's the box is made from?
1. paper / wooden
2. gold

B: Wooden.

[Paper or wooden: you're humble;
Gold: arrogant and stubborn]

Y: Okay. There's a bridge near the box. What's the bridge made from?
1. gold
2. wooden
3. cane

B: Wooden.
[Gold: Very close to your friends;
Wooden: Quite close to your friends;
Cane: No close friends around]

Y: After you crossed the bridge. You then saw a horse. What's the color of the horse?

B: White!
(he overreacted to hear his favorite color, white)
[White: for you, your partner is pure and perfect;
grey / brown: your partner is how they see you as;
black: your partner has not meet your target]

Y: Please don't go overreacted for the word of 'white'. Tq. haha
Okay, so what's the horse doing then?
1. Stand there quietly
2. Running on the field

B: Stand there quietly and eating grass.
[Stand there quietly: your partner is a humble and caring person;
running on the field: your partner is very outgoing, hard to settle type]

Y: No eating grass part, don't simply add. TQ! 
hahaha!

B: LOL

Y: Next. Oh no! not far from the horse there's a hurricane coming. What will you do?

B: So long meh?
(he started to get a little bit bored and restless)

Y:
1. Hide under the box
2. Hide under the bridge
3. ride the horse and run
(I continued)

Haiya. patient la.. (I said)

B: Try to look the direction of hurricane and move the opposite way

Y: NO! there were only 3 choices!

B: haha

Y: Must choose either one =/
Common' la uncle, last question.

B: ride the white horse lo
[Box (yourself): You are the one that will be solving all the problems by yourself.
Bridge (your friends): You will find your friends to settle with you whenever you face difficulties.
Horse (your partner): You will face the hard time with your partner and get it settled together.

Y: Good :) End of questionnaire. Thank you for your time and corporation :)

B: Conclusion?

Y: Conclusion is.. u're so so so so so cute!! ♥

Career Pathway 3: Reality

In a world filled with sweet scents and blue sky,

Lives the gentle, uplifting butterfly,

Whose metamorphosis has this truth to teach:

Our aspirations are within our reach.

For this fluttering flyer of soaring worth

Was at one time a creature that crawled the earth

When she climbed a plant and learned of the sky,

She looked down at the earth and wondered why

Her destiny was to live on the land.

Something inside her did not understand.

“The sky is my home”, every part of her felt

“How could crawling be the lot I’ve been dealt?”

Keeping those thoughts safe, where they could be found,

She slowly descended back to the ground.

When she found the right plant on which to rest,

She brilliantly wove a cacoon for her nest.

Inside the chrysalis, she went to sleep

Tucked in with those thoughts that she wanted to keep

One sunny day, the cacoon came unsealed

Magically, a butterfly was revealed

Seeing this miracle with my own eyes;

Of caterpillars becoming butterflies,

Beings real hope of the possibility

Of the total transformation of me!

Like the caterpillar that crawls the Earth,

We are destined for a divine birth
                                                    
                                                              [Poem retrieved from: http://www.veganpoet.com/humanity/metamorphosis.htm] 

May 16, 2011: I sang a nursery rhyme to my boss and I get employed.
Still remembered it was four months before I graduate,
when  I was just thinking to have some part time job ,
so to ready myself a full time job after I complete my study.

Coincidentally, I passed by a recruiting notice on a wall when I was doing my shopping 
it's written: 
"Are you enthusiastic towards young kids? Did you have a pleasant voice with positive attitude?
You are the one we are looking for! Join us!"

  

After I joined in, I was surprised to know that the working environment is like heaven,
and all the customers are those cute little angels ranging from 0-5 years old
while my job tasks are to sing songs, dance and play with them
the nature of the job is the awesome ever i can find, and it makes me feel as in I was born to be meant for this job

the colleagues were young, energetic and nice
I had awesome time working there.
time really flies,
 as I always find myself working Over Time without realizing. But I did, enjoy doing it

Everything went so perfect, until the REALITY comes in.
Our lady boss is a business woman,she, represent everything in the company
whatever she feel is correct, it will be the company vision;
 whatever she command, that will be the objectives of the company.

Every promise changes, whichever she thinks is right
Finally I chose to leave; than to struggle myself to stay in a heaven with nothing to believe in

After that, I kept looking for a similar job,
intended to find a similar working environment where I can be surrounded by super cute kids 
Until I found a Child Enrichment Center which emphasis on Multiple Intelligence
It is a growing company with positive work strategies

I joined them in the starting of 2012.
In that company, everyone was nice and friendly;
there goes my my four months over there,
simple and peaceful working life.

Until the REALITY comes hit me again, 
where you find everyone started to question you:
How was the pay over there? What are you actually working and what have you learned?
Did that really benefiting you in your future? what can you become?

I have no choice but to start thinking what I really want to achieve in my life.
Yes, I am doing what I like,
children are my love and teaching is my passion;
but living in my dream can as well benefiting me in reality?

At that time, I was quite confused and I have to admit that I've made my decision in rush.
I threw in my resignation and decided to go for a bank corporation.
Initially, I felt extremely bad for leaving the company without them having a chance to make me stay;
but everything has come to an end after I received their letter.

The letter claimed that I decided to go without having intention to serve for a full one month notice,
therefore, they have no choice but to fine me around RM400.
I understand that salary deduction is reasonable for not being able to serve for full month notice;
but when they're giving me this while expecting me to return to them in future, is that sound convincing? No.

The moment I received the letter I was pissed off. Very very pissed
Even after I slept I still had that in my dream and ended up woke up in a super bad mood.
I was told by this end to do like this; while the other end send me letter claim that I should not do thing this way.
It seem like what is being promised is not what it's turn out to be.

Thinking from a good side. Without the letter I would not expect such cruelty.
Now that I'm relieved, to freely pursue my new goal without having to take care of anything else.
Despite all, the inspiration they gave was indeed a priceless one,
for, there is no shortcut in life until I really experience it by myself to decide what I really want. 

Both the lessons learned had actually given me a real slap in my face.
That I should realize by now, 
for what I thought it will be everything in my life is actually not what I am looking for.
It has also reminds me of the truth that: "Dream, cannot make money".

Now, I am giving myself a try to live in REALITY,
While seeing the world out there can afford giving me more than what I am searching in life
thus, there would be no necessity for me to risk my life just to live in my dream
for it can hardly guarantee me that they can secure the future that I wanted

A process of transformation from caterpillar into butterfly,
from a creature that used to crawl on the ground,
into a creature that can fly freely in the air.

For it is nothing more than a transition, 
for you to go through the stages, 
to know where you really belong.

No one is born perfect; as we can hardly find a newborn flying in the sky effortlessly

there is nothing wrong to crawl on ground, while you know you have the ability to fly
  For it is just a matter of transition, that requires time and effort as well as patient.

I am now living quite fine in reality, despite missing the children a little